Dear Reverend,
I don’t have any family, nor a partner or children. It’s lonely and hard over the holidays. Often my friends are with their families and don’t invite me. What do you recommend?
Joyless Noelle (woman, 65)
Dear Joyless Noelle,
It’s difficult enough for holidays to live up to our often unrealistic expectations when friends and family are around. (Thanks, Hollywood.) Being on your own at this time of year can certainly be depressing, but it doesn’t have to be. You just need to reframe your mindset.
Instead of focusing on what you feel you’re missing, concentrate on finding joy in the things you can do — which is whatever the heck you want. Go all out decorating your house — or don’t. Cook yourself a fancy feast — or order your favorite takeout. It’s up to you! There are plenty of people who would trade places with you in a heartbeat to avoid their families, so embrace the freedom of doing what makes you happy.
Traditions are great, but they have to start somewhere, so make up your own new ones. Go for a hike. Plan a trip. Buy yourself something you’ve been eyeing for a while. Whatever you do, treat yourself with extra kindness.
If your friends are always busy on the actual holiday, find another time when you and your pals can celebrate. If you have a hankering for community on the big day, look for volunteer opportunities in your area. If you still find yourself feeling down, reach out for support, whether that’s to a close friend or a therapist.
This is a good reminder for everyone to check in on friends who might not have holiday plans and invite them to join yours if you can. As with any party, the more the merrier!
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in Nov 15-21, 2023.
