Dear Reverend,
My cousin is getting married at the end of June. The wedding is only about an hour’s drive from where I live. The couple have rented out an inn for some family, myself included, to stay the night before and the night of the wedding. I would love to be there, but my 10-year-old dog was recently diagnosed with cancer. He’s doing OK right now, but I’m worried about leaving him for that amount of time. Also, if he takes a turn for the worse, I don’t know if I will be able to go to the wedding at all. I don’t know how to handle this without upsetting my cousin.
Kaye Nein (woman, 34)
Dear Kaye Nein,
I firmly believe that pets are family and should be treated as such. Some people may disagree, but it sounds like you’re on my team. So ask yourself: If you were caring for a sick spouse or child, would you have any question about what you should do? I bet not.
If it were just a run-of-the-mill party that you’d be missing to stay home with your dog, I’d say you should have no regrets about skipping it. However, a wedding is a big deal. It would be worth trying to attend at least the ceremony.
When it gets closer to the wedding date, talk to your vet and ask if they think your dog is in good enough shape for you to be away for a couple of days or even a few hours. If the answer is yes, you must have a trusted friend or pet sitter who can take care of him while you’re gone. You can check in regularly, and if there’s any reason you need to leave to be with him, you won’t be that far away.
I’m sure your cousin is busy with wedding planning, but talk to them about what’s going on. If you decide ahead of time that you’re not going to stay at the inn, perhaps they can offer your room to another guest. They may be disappointed but will certainly appreciate knowing in advance.
If something happens between now and the wedding that makes you feel unable to attend at all, you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. You need to do what’s best for your dog and yourself.
Being a caregiver for an ill family member, human or otherwise, can take a toll. Please remember that you need to take care of yourself, too.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in Jun 5-11, 2024.
