Dear Reverend,
My friend is a beautiful 68-year-old woman who looks 50. She met a guy on a dating site who said he was a 60-year-old white man — he even sent her photos of himself. They conversed for a few months until she ended it, but he kept after her until she rekindled her feelings for him. After a while, he came clean that he was a 33-year-old Black man living in Africa, but by then they were in love. Even though she realizes it would never work out, she’s planning on going to Africa to meet him. Is she crazy, or should she just follow her heart? Or what can I do or say to change her mind?
Tryna Healp (woman, 63)
Dear Tryna Healp,
I guess your friend has never seen the reality TV show “Catfish,” huh?
It sounds like she has been duped by one of the most common scams in the book. I could never imagine how anyone in their right mind could fall for such a thing, but then a distant acquaintance of mine found herself in the same situation — not once but twice. She actually married the first guy. I don’t remember all the details, but neither relationship had a fairy-tale ending.
Your friend is a grown woman, and she can do whatever she wants. But I’d highly recommend she not go through with her plan. It’s not like she’s driving a couple of towns over to meet a guy for coffee — which has its own risks. She’s talking about traveling across the globe to meet a known liar with unknown motives. That could be ridiculously dangerous.
You say she realizes the relationship would never work, so tell her to trust her guts. This guy was lying to her from the start — there’s no reason to think he’s telling the truth now. She should cut off all communication with him immediately. She can take the money she was going to use on that trip and go somewhere else, where perhaps she’ll meet somebody the old-fashioned way — in the flesh.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in Nov 29 – Dec 5, 2023.