Dear Reverend,
My partner and I moved in together earlier this year. Everything has been great, except for one thing. Sometimes when I’m showering in the morning, they come into the bathroom and poop (in the toilet, not the shower, just to be clear). I feel like it shouldn’t bother me, but it does. I haven’t said anything yet because I don’t want to make it a big deal. What do I do?
Emma Steam (woman, 24)
Dear Emma Steam,
Everyone poops, and everyone has their particular poop style. Personally, I am a Private Pooper: I don’t like taking care of business with someone else in the vicinity unless it’s an absolute emergency. Kudos to your partner for feeling so free. However, another thing everyone has is boundaries, and yours are inadvertently being crossed.
You could lock the bathroom door, but that’s a little passive-aggressive. If you want to avoid making a big stink about the situation, you could adjust your shower schedule to avoid their “go time.” Or give a little advance notice before you bathe by asking, “Do you need to use the bathroom before I shower?”
If picking up on subtle cues is not your partner’s forte, cut the crap and be straight with them. You could say you like to start your day with a refreshing shower, and having a deuce drop on the other side of the curtain kinda wrecks it for you. Talking about poop can be pretty funny; if you approach this matter with a little humor, I don’t think any feelings will be hurt.
I hate to break it to you, but this is a sure sign that the honeymoon is over. After you live with someone for a while, the veil is lifted and you see them as they really are — warts and all. That’s when the real magic happens, so congratulations!
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in Sep 20-26, 2023.
