Former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani was spotted carrying a shovel at Thunder Road International Speedbowl in Barre on Thursday night. The attorney-turned-self-appointed-foreign-intelligence-official was reportedly seeking to dig up dirt on Gov. Phil Scott.
Witnesses say a visibly distressed Giuliani was overheard mumbling to himself something along the lines of, “I’m a hero. They’ll see. They’ll all see,” as he wandered aimlessly around the race track.
The sighting came just hours after Gov. Scott became the first Republican state leader to voice support for an impeachment inquiry into President Donald Trump.
A source, who asked to remain anonymous because “this administration threatens to kill whistleblowers,” said Giuliani was ordered by President Trump to investigate the Vermont governor. The investigation appears to be an attempt to discredit Gov. Scott before he has a chance to make any other perfectly reasonable statements to the press.
Vermont GOP officials have already derided Scott’s statement on impeachment as a shameless political stunt. “The Governor is clearly just trying to attract Democratic voters by implying that powerful white men should have to follow the law just like everyone else,” said party spokesperson Wylie Shipsincs.
A spokesperson for Gov. Scott said the fact the President Trump sent an American citizen instead of a foreign leader to investigate a political rival was “the most presidential shit Trump has done in almost three years.”
Whether or not Giuliani found the dirt he was looking for remains unclear. Witnesses say the frantic shoveler only got “three or four holes in” before security guards were able to lure him off the premises using a fishing line with a $5 bill attached.
Track officials say they declined to press trespassing charges against Giuliani because doing so would be unfair. “This is clearly a disturbed individual who is unable to comprehend the basic concept of law,” they said.
The Parmelee Post is an occasional series featuring tough investigative reporting on news that hasn’t happened.
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This article appears in Sep 25 – Oct 1, 2019.
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Funny but I wouldn’t doubt it!!
What strange and sad times we live in where this could be a true story. The RepubliKKKans have a lot to answer for. Let’s hope everyone turns out in 2020 to end the RepubliKKKan Party. The Republican Brand is so damaged from the past 60 years, it is time for it to go. America needs to end its flirtation with this Neo-Nazi Party. And to end Rupert Murdoch’s FAUX News. It’s time for Hannity and Tucker Carlson and the rest of their ilk to go into the History Books as a bad bunch of resurgent Goebbels Wannabes, along with their Pervert-in-Chief Roger Ailes, may Hell torture his rotted soul.