Dear Reverend,
I’m an older, single woman and, like many people, have a small collection of sex toys in the drawer of my bedside table. I’m not ashamed of it in the least, but I can’t help but worry about what would happen if I died and one of my kids found my stash. They’re all grown adults, but it still makes me a little uncomfortable. What should I do?
Delia Doe (female, 67)
Dear Delia Doe,
My mother was 86 when she passed. If I had come across a vibrator when going through her things, I would have been more mystified than mortified, but I can understand your concern.
People make all sorts of preparations for when they die, planning organ donations, wills and music for the memorial, just to name a few. So it’s not wrong to make an arrangement for the unmentionables you don’t want your kids to see.
You could keep the toys in a box or a pouch with a note on it that says: “Just throw this out. Trust me.” However, human nature almost guarantees that curiosity will get the best of whoever finds that.
I suggest you ask a trusted friend to be “the fixer.” Make sure they have a house key, and give them instructions to go there as soon as they hear the news to clean out the drawer — and any other things you want to disappear. You could even let your kids know you want your friend to be the first person at your place after you pass. They don’t need a reason, but you could say you want to make sure the house is tidy when they get there.
Whatever you do, you should really stop worrying about what your kids might think. I can’t say exactly what happens after death, but I’m pretty certain embarrassment isn’t a thing anymore. If your kids do find the toys, at least they’ll know you were having a good time while you were living.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in Oct 5-11, 2022.
