Kate O’Neill sat at a table at her sister Maura’s home in Shelburne last week, wrestling with a task she had hoped never to have to do: writing an obituary for their sister, Madelyn Ellen Linsenmeir. The Burlington native struggled for more than a decade with drug addiction before dying on October 7 at age 30.
In two hours, O’Neill produced a work that read more like a nonfiction call to arms than an obituary. In keeping with her family’s long-standing candor about Linsenmeir’s struggle, the obit documented with heartbreaking honesty a tale of addiction that began when Linsenmeir first tried OxyContin at 16, and continued after she gave birth to a son who was eventually taken from her.
“It is impossible to capture a person in an obituary, and especially someone whose adult life was largely defined by drug addiction,” O’Neill wrote in the obituary, which was published in Seven Days, the Burlington Free Press and on Legacy.com. “To some, Maddie was just a junkie — when they saw her addiction, they stopped seeing her. And what a loss for them. Because Maddie was hilarious, and warm, and fearless, and resilient. She could and would talk to anyone, and when you were in her company you wanted to stay.”
Related
Obituary: Madelyn Linsenmeir, 1988-2018
The family hoped their candor would get some attention and help ease the stigma about drug addiction. But they never expected the obituary would rocket across the internet and reach millions of people.
National journalists tweeted links to the piece. So did Ivanka Trump, Democratic strategist Donna Brazile, actress Alyssa Milano and other notables. The Washington Post, the Boston Globe, People magazine, BuzzFeed, and newspapers in England and New Zealand published stories.
The obit was viewed more than 3.2 million times on sevendaysvt.com, and threatened to crash the site.
Linsenmeir’s family is not the first to candidly discuss drug addiction in an obituary. Seven Days wrote in 2016 about the practice. Other obituaries published in Vermont more recently have made it clear that the deceased had been an addict.
Yet none have generated the massive attention that Linsenmeir’s has. Her family, among others, have pondered why.
There could be a few explanations. The photograph published with the obituary — and this story — is an irresistible shot of Linsenmeir and her son wearing adorable grins.
And O’Neill, who works in communications and editing, wrote unflinching and compelling prose:
During the past two years especially, her disease brought her to places of incredible darkness, and this darkness compounded on itself, as each unspeakable thing that happened to her and each horrible thing she did in the name of her disease exponentially increased her pain and shame. For 12 days this summer, she was home, and for most of that time she was sober. For those 12 wonderful days, full of swimming and Disney movies and family dinners, we believed as we always did that she would overcome her disease and make the life for herself we knew she deserved. We believed this until the moment she took her last breath. But her addiction stalked her and stole her once again. Though we would have paid any ransom to have her back, any price in the world, this disease would not let her go until she was gone.
And, as Burlington Police Chief Brandon del Pozo noted in a Facebook post that has also received significant national interest, Linsenmeir was an attractive, young, white female, defying many stereotypes of addicts.
“If Maddie was a black guy from the Bronx found dead in his bathroom of an overdose, it wouldn’t matter if the guy’s obituary writer had won the Booker Prize, there wouldn’t be a weepy article in People about it,” del Pozo wrote.
O’Neill agreed, saying, “It’s much harder to feel empathy … for people who don’t resemble Maddie.”
The obit clearly resonated for many readers. As of 7 p.m. Thursday, 763 people had commented on it at sevendaysvt.com. Many commenters shared their own stories about addiction.
“I cried as I read this and for a long time after,” wrote “sthomp64” in a comment that echoed many. “I have three sons, all addicted to opiates … [T]he first thought of every day is will this be the day I get the call? My heart breaks for you and your family with this tremendous loss and all of the years of pain you all endured preceding her death. May she fly forever free of the demons that dominated her life.”
Thursday, O’Neill reiterated that the family had always believed she would get better. “The real hope now is with policy makers and politicians, and that’s what we have to do now, translate that hope into action.”
The family still has unanswered questions about Linsenmeir’s death and her final days.
During her stay in Burlington this summer, Linsenmeir lived with her mom, Maureen. She watched Disney movies, swam at the Bolton Potholes, cooked chowder and relaxed, O’Neill said. And then in late August, as she so often had in the past, Linsenmeir disappeared.
The family got a phone call earlier this month, O’Neill said: Linsenmeir had been arrested. She was unconscious in a hospital in Springfield, Mass. O’Neill and other family members stayed by her bedside for days. They are waiting to find out more about what caused her death.
Linsenmeir, who lived in the Burlington area on and off throughout her life, went through “dozens” of cycles of getting clean and relapsing, her family members said.
Her longest periods of sobriety came after her son, Ayden, was born in 2014. She stayed clean for six months, relapsed, and then managed another 11 months. Eventually, she lost custody of her boy.
“If will alone could have kept her sober, she would have stayed clean,” said O’Neill, a Philadelphia resident who worked as a proofreader for Seven Days from 2008 to 2012. “She would have done anything for him, and that’s the one thing she could not do. Will is not enough to keep someone clean.”
While preparing for Linsenmeir’s funeral this weekend, her family is hoping that all the attention leads to action, including improved access to drug treatment inside and outside prison. They also want the criminal justice system to do more to help, instead of punish, addicts.
But that is for another day. This week, the family has spent much of their time discussing their final tribute to Linsenmeir.
Many of the stories and online comments have noted the obituary’s haunting closing lines. “Our grief over losing her is infinite. And now so is she.”
O’Neill said those words were fueled by a sentiment that has stirred for years inside those who loved Linsenmeir.
“One of the things that’s given us comfort is to know that Maddie is free from this darkness and intense struggle that she’s been in for the past decade,” O’Neill said. “In a way, it feels like she is free from it, and if our grief is the only price we have to pay for that freedom, I would gladly take it.”
Related Stories
Obituary: Madelyn Linsenmeir, 1988-2018
What’s Best for the Children of Vermonters With Opioid-Use Disorder?
Got something to say?
Send a letter to the editor and we'll publish your feedback in print!
Pretending that addiction is a disease enables the problem and prevents recovery by excusing the addict from personal responsibility. It’s a painful truth that needs to be re-learned before the epidemic of addiction and death can be reversed.
The real crime is that physicians are treating the symptom and not getting to the cause of pain.
Pretty goddamn racist to say it is hard to feel empathy for someone who isn’t a white girl…. Typical Vermont for ya! The sneaky racist undertones around this state are absolutely disgusting, just like Scotty above here in the comments is also being racist. So typical. At least the BPD quoted has some goddamn sense about him. The rest of you just keep pretending you live in some liberal heaven up here while your poor abuse the hell out of drugs and the hospitals around them!
I didnt read the article as racist. I read the quotes from both parties as a commentary on the world we live in. Look like Maddie to me means the smiling, scrubbed face of a happy, healthy young woman. Not the typical addict we see skulking around our towns and villages. Hollowed out eyes, skin and bones, rotting teeth, sores all over their skin is what Im familiar with. Its hard to have empathy with those so lost. Race has nothing to do with the conversation. Any ethnicity kid from the city that dies from this affliction usually dies without note. Because we are a state thats 97% white means our addicted tend to be white. Not much attention goes to most of them either. Kudos to her sister for shattering the silence and stigma. RIP Maddie and all of our lost children.
While the US military are protecting poppy fields in Afghanistan
I just love to see how many people are discussing such an important topic, (as i sit here in a waiting room packed full to the brim on a Saturday morning, waiting to receive my weekend dose of methadone) RIP Madelyn 🙁 thank you for thank you for the awareness you brought into light, RIP to my baby brother, who was shot in the face in anchorage Alaska in 2014 during a home invasion, as he was selling heroin to support his addiction, and RIP to my mom who died from endocardytis from getting a staph infection in her bloodstream from injecting heroin, this epidemic has defined my life, i pray my daughter never experiences such difficult circumstances
That is so sad my heart breaks I am also an addict I struggle from day to day I got in a program called change court it saved my life the judge Heather Russell never looked at us as addicts she helped us build ourselves up she is so wonderful I seriously don’t know what I would have done without her and it bee a KS my heart that some addicts don’t get to experience being clean living life or when they do the drug calls them keeps calling I tried to fight it many times and lost I lost my sister to this addiction and it woke me up I don’t think my mom could handle losing me to s o I struggle everyday but I am winning it’s not worth my life if u r struggling get help it’s out there u jus have to except it
Very moving obituary from Maddie’s sister and equally moving response from the police chief Del Pozo. We and the government need to change our mindset when we come across people with addictions and mental disorders. They need a soft handle, not the hard one which they almost always get. Each death, especially that of a parent with a young child at home, is a tragedy. How well Del Pozo summed it up – “Ask the cops and they will tell you: Maddie’s death was nothing special at all. It happens all the time, to people no less loved and needed and human.” My sincere condolences to Maddie’s family and the countless other families that were rocked by a similar tragedy. Hope her death is not totally in vain and helps at least some people somewhere immersed in the darkness wrought by the mind-changing drugs. In the end, both in life and death, Maddie was lucky that she had such a loving family and I am sure her son would be equally loved if not more.
This really saddens my heart. Another beautiful life is gone because no one cared enough to get to the root of her problem. Drug addiction is not a disease, it’s a cry for help. It is always the smartest and most intelligent people that become addicted. It’s their escape from all of the people that let them down including themselves. Drug addiction has a way of finding the most caring, loving, intelligent, talented and humane people. It’s time to stop looking down on the people that view their addiction as an escape and begin to help them heal from the pain that sent them running to the drugs in the first place. For those that say, they would have given anything, it’s because of your lies that the poor child began drug use in the first place. You could have given something and she would still be here. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know that the one thing that she needed was proper parenting. The parenting made especially for her. No two children are the same. Some children need more than others. Have you ever asked yourself or your beautiful child about the possibility of her being abused in some way? Have you ever brought her to see a psychiatrist and a therapist? I’m talking about real Doctors not quacks that just waste time and get paid. Well if you did all of this and basically showered her with attention and you know where her pain was coming from, you did everything. If not, you didn’t.
@MITZI324 As someone who lost a sibling to heroin addiction and witnessed firsthand the lengths to which my parents went to try to save him, I have to say that, unless you have intimate knowledge of Madelyn and her family which I seriously doubt you do, you are very likely extremely off base. Your comment is an amalgamation of bias, conjecture, and vitriol that amounts to nothing more than a cruel and misguided opinion. You should seriously consider keeping your opinions to yourself and instead do some soul searching to understand the root of your absolute lack of empathy and compassion.
I’m an alcoholic and addict and have now been sober for more than 30 years. But, it took me many, many tries before I was able to stay clean. I quite nearly died on a number of occasions. My story could quite easily have ended like Madelyn’s. My addiction wore out the trust of my family, friends, doctors, counselors, psychiatrists. It took a long time to get it back. When I was in the throws of my drinking and using drugs, I was a conniving, lying, self-centered person. That’s what happens when you serve your addiction, nothing and no one else matters. In the end, the people who were able to help me most were fellow drunks and addicts. They understand like no one else can. Is it a disease? I really don’t know. I don’t know if it matters. Some call it a disease to help them understand, and cope. But, know this: it is a real phenomenon. It doesn’t really have to do with bad parenting, a matter of will power, weak character, how rich your are, if you’re white or black. I’ve seen wonderful people die from it, and less than wonderful people stay clean. Addiction is a relentless, hungry beast that can be all consuming. But it can also be tamed and controlled. It takes effort and willingness every day to keep it in check. My deep sympathy to Madelyn’s family and fiends. And bless you for your support and love of Madelyn and for sharing your story. I imagine it has already helped many people who have struggled with addiction. Peace.
“If Maddie was a black guy from the Bronx found dead in his bathroom of an overdose, it wouldn’t matter if the guy’s obituary writer had won the Booker Prize, there wouldn’t be a weepy article in People about it,” del Pozo wrote. “
When heroin addicts were brown city-dwellers, addiction was a law enforcement problem, solved by long periods of incarceration. Now that the addicts are white people outside the city, it’s a disease, which deserves compassion. Funny how that happens.
When my 38 year old daughter died in 2015 from an accidental drug overdose, we were at the “beginning” of the epidemic awareness cycle. Our then governor was the first in the nation to devote almost his entire state of the state address to the crisis. He was prescient, it seems, but more likely, just observant – because in that year, 52,000 mostly young adults died from this cause (under-estimated, at that). In 2016, the statistic grew to 62,000 and in 2017, to 72,000. By 2015, it was clear that “not in my backyard” no longer applied. Heroin was (and is) everywhere and deaths from its use, alone or in combination with other drugs, increased exponentially. Katie and Maura’s tribute to their sister is a poignant, very well written story that touched many people. For this, they deserve our thanks because all such stories and obituaries can only lead to more awareness and that, in turn, to more action. Until the prevailing view that addiction (substance use disorder) is an illness that can be treated, not a moral failure and cause for shame and aversion, progress will be impeded.