Jewelry and Pizza: the Headline Generator

We at Seven Days were surprised to learn over the weekend about the shocking quantities of pizza and jewelry available in Burlington. Tim Johnson of the Burlington Free Press broke that story, and we tip our hats to his enterprise reporting.

It got us thinking: Are there other trend pieces waiting to be written? What other pairs are taking over the downtown Burlington scene?

Here are some that we came up with:

var foods = [“Ben & Jerry’s”, “kale”, “tofu”, “Heady Topper”, “Nectar’s fries”, “hummus”, “extra-sharp Cabot cheddar”, “GMO-free produce”,”Egg McHandys”, “free-range chicken”, “samosas”, “Vietnamese food”, “dead alewives”, “chia seeds”, “maple creemees”,”4-Loko” , “Scibek Sizzlers” , “Citizen Cider tall boys”,”Rise ‘n’ Shiners”, “maple penises”, “ramp pesto” , “City Market seitan salad”,”artisan donuts” , “gluten-free beer”, “pot brownies”, “vegan tacos”, “kombucha”, “fiddleheads”, “charcuterie”, “Mrs. Hong’s dumplings”, “dilly beans”, “ramps”, “poutine”, “pork belly”, “wood-fired flatbread”, “rhubarb”, “$6 draft beer”, “non-criminal amounts of weed”, “heroin”] var clothes = [“tie-dyed tees”, “‘Eat More Kale’ shirts”, “Birkenstocks”, “skinny jeans”, “flannel”, “t-shirts with obscure Phish references”, “bare feet”, “Tibetan prayer flags”, “L.L. Bean fleece vests”, “frumpy sweaters”, “beards”, “ironic mustaches”, “non-ironic mustaches”, “maxi dresses”, “toe shoes”,”Patagonia fleeces”, “rain boots”, “Frye boots”, “floral miniskirts”, “body piercings”, “hairy armpits”, “Muck boots”, “Dansko clogs”, “Crocs”, “leggings-worn-as-pants”, “Che Guevara t-shirts” , “tattoos”, “ripped phishnet tights”, “dreadlocks”]

var randomNumber1 = parseInt(Math.random() * foods.length); var randomNumber2 = parseInt(Math.random() * clothes.length); var headline = “Burlington: A hotbed of ” + foods[randomNumber1] + ” and ” + clothes[randomNumber2];

if(document.getElementById(“result”)){ document.getElementById(“placeholder”).removeChild(document.getElementById(“result”)); }

var element = document.createElement(“div”); element.setAttribute(“id”, “result”); element.appendChild(document.createTextNode(headline)); document.getElementById(“placeholder”).appendChild(element); }

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