It’s a simply beautiful summer afternoon and frankly, my thoughts are wandering all over the place as I await my 3:30 interview with Phish bassist Mike Gordon. While we’re just hangin’ around, let’s take a peek inside my stir-crazy head.

Proof That God Has a Sense of Humor: American Idol host/massive tool Ryan Seacrest was bitten by a shark while swimming in Mexico over the weekend. Had he been seriously injured – which he wasn’t – there would be nothing even remotely funny about this. But of the thousand or so people basking in the surf and sun, he was the only person attacked. Well played, nature.

Where’s Clark Kent?: Has anyone ever seen Rose Hill Drive (pictured) and now grown-up Hanson in the same place at the same time?

Things That Go Boom: Unfortunately, I didn’t get home from New Hampshire in time to catch Vetiver at Metronome on Sunday night. However, while in the White Mountains I did discover what happens when you mix cheap fireworks and a camping tent. Despite the what the label might tell you, tents are really not flame retardant.

This Week in Unintentionally Funny Press Releases:
Dick Van Dyke – who, apparently, is still alive – has just released a new album with vocal group The Vantastix. It’s a cappella. And it’s a children’s album. When originally asked if he had any interest in making an album with the one-time Mary Poppins star, Vantastix member Mike Mendyke replied “I thought he was joking.” If only.

Bullshit PR E-mail of the Week, or How Not to Impress the Media:
Hi,
I have recently picked up a phenomenal Pink Floyd tribute out of Music City called ECLIPSE. 
    I would have to classify ECLIPSE as “phenomenal” because they have such a BIG FLOYD SOUND and they hold so true to the recordings, as well as the live performances of Pink Floyd.
    Since their 2007 debut, ECLIPSE has modified their roster to include THREE guitarists, TWO keyboardists, bass and drums. Six of the members have strong vocals with two of them being female. This allows ECLIPSE to utilize the perfect voice to sing leads on a given song while stacking harmonies in the background. Up to five-part harmonies, STACKED. The vocals are LUSH!
    Yes, you heard correct. ECLIPSE now boasts having THREE incredible guitarists. They play various electric, acoustic and steel guitars. Although each guitarist is fully capable of pulling off all the classic Gilmour leads single handed, they all pass ’em around to each other . . . sharing the spotlight. All three play through vintage tube amps and know how to get that classic Gilmour tone.
    ECLIPSE also prides themselves on NOT using “backing tracks” like so many other PF tributes.  IT’S ALL LIVE!
    In other word, ECLIPSE is NOT an ordinary tribute band. They are the real deal and I am looking forward to work with them. I am looking forward to the chance to be able work with you in the near future.

See what I have to put up with? Three guitarists!?! Holy cow! You could double as half an Eagles tribute! My favorite line: “They are the real deal.” No. No they’re not. Pink Floyd was the real deal. You’re a COVER BAND! With a big BUDGET! And a CAPS LOCK problem. Sigh, er, SIGH!

News Somebody Must Care About:
Boy George’s August 12 show at Metropolis in Montreal has regrettably been canceled. Insert your own joke here.

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Dan Bolles is a culture coeditor at Seven Days. He joined the paper in 2007 as its music editor, covering Vermont's robust music, comedy and nightlife scenes for a decade before deciding he was too old to be going to the Monkey House on weeknights to...

7 replies on “Apropos of Nothing”

  1. What DID happen to Co-ed Naked T-shirts?I had the “Co-ed Naked Billiards: Get Felt On The Table” edition.

  2. Hmm, these “words,” what pray tell, are those? Gimme smiling bland pics and ads any ol’ day! 😉

  3. Ryan Seacrest is such a tool. I looked into his supposed “shark attack” and apparently a sand shark (also known as a dogfish – really common even in New England and really more annoying than anything) got a tooth stuck on Seacrest’s toe. Big whoop.Last night on Shark Week I saw rare live footage of a seventeen foot great white biting off a woman’s leg. Seriously. And she lived to tell the tale. And I bet she could kick Seacrest’s wussy ass.

  4. Mike Gordon, eh? God, I still don’t miss VT. Sweet press release, tho. I’d be lying if I told you I don’t secretly miss those.

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