Dear Reverend,
My sister and I are best friends. We used to spend a lot of time together, but she moved out of state many years ago. We talk on the phone or FaceTime a few times a week, but we only see each other in person once or twice a year. She’s married, and when she comes to visit, she always brings her husband. When I go to her house, of course he’s there. He’s a great person and I love seeing him, but I miss having time with just my sister. She’s planning to come here for a week in the fall, and I’m tempted to ask her to leave her husband at home. How can I do that without making either of them feel bad?
Outlaw, (woman, 52)
Dear Outlaw,
When some people get married, they become a package deal with their spouse. That’s great for the couple, but it can make things a little hinky for the people who knew them before they were attached at the hip.
She’s your sister, and I don’t think she or her husband would be terribly offended if you made it known that you miss her and want her all to yourself for a week. However, fall is basically upon us, so it may be a bit late in the game to broach the subject for this trip.
When they come to visit, make plans for just the two of you to take some jaunts on your own. Go out to lunch. Take a walk together every morning. Get wild and treat yourselves to a spa day. Her husband is a grown man, so I’m sure he’ll be fine left to his own devices for a few hours here and there. He may actually enjoy having some time to explore his own interests while he’s in Vermont.
I’m the youngest of eight kids. I’m lucky to have two sisters who live in the same town as I do, and I see them frequently. But I also had two brothers and a sister die who I wish I could have spent more time with.
Not to get too heavy on you, but I would strongly suggest that you and your sister make plans — and stick to them — to see each other more often. Start a new tradition of an annual Sisters Trip. Meet up in the middle. Whatever is holding you back, work it out. Life is short, and you’re not always going to be able to get together, so do it now while you can.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in August 19 • 2026.
