Dear Reverend,
I was married for 28 years and have been widowed for two. I started dating last year and met a man who is perfect for me in every way — except he has a teenage son. It’s a shared-custody situation, and the son primarily lives with his mother, but he stays with his dad occasionally. I have two adult children and don’t have any interest in raising another one. Should I throw this fish back into the sea and start over?
Treppi Datious (woman, 54)
Dear Treppi Datious,
It’s a fact of life that as you age, the dating pool shrinks. Living in such a small state as Vermont can make it dang near minuscule. It can seem that all the good ones are either taken or dead, so it’s a bit of a miracle that you’ve found a guy who checks almost all of your boxes.
Another thing that happens as we get older is that we become better aware of what we want in a relationship. That can certainly be a good thing, but it can often throw a wrench into the works. Older singles come with more complex baggage — like kids — and it may be beneficial to reevaluate your expectations.
It’s great that you’re thinking about the future with this fella, but you haven’t been together for all that long. Perhaps you’re putting the cart before the horse in thinking about helping raise his child. The kid isn’t a baby, so there’s probably only a handful of years left before he’s an adult. However, as I’m sure you’re aware, even adult children can require a lot of attention.
It’s up to you how much or how little you want to be involved with this guy’s son. But no matter what, he’s going to be part of the dynamic. As long as you can have open and honest conversations about the situation, it seems worth seeing where this relationship will go.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in Sep 17-23 2025.
