Dear Reverend,
It has been 10 months since the loss of my mom. I have failed to send out sympathy thank-you cards. It seems as if I have been going through one crisis after another. Is it appropriate to send thank-you cards now? How do I justify my actions?
Bea Reaved (woman, 62)
Dear Bea Reaved,
First off, please accept my condolences. Losing a mother can be one of the most difficult life events a person faces. My mom died 11 years ago, and I still feel her absence. When it comes to grief, 10 months is basically the blink of an eye.
General etiquette rules suggest that notes of appreciation should be sent within two to three months after a funeral, but give yourself some grace. I’m 99 percent sure no one expects a thank-you card from a grieving person.
The only thing you really need to be concerned with right now is your emotional well-being. Not sending thanks is no big faux pas, but by all means tackle the task if it will help you get it off your mind and feel a bit better.
You don’t need to write to every single person who attended the services or brought you a casserole. I’m sure you acknowledged everyone as best you could at the time, and that’s enough. Focus on those who went above and beyond: People who spoke at the funeral, the officiant, and anyone who helped with errands or gave you extra support. You can also include people you didn’t see face-to-face, such as someone who sent flowers from out of town.
There’s no need to write a long letter; just a few sentences in a card will suffice. You may want to consider enlisting a family member or friend to help, even if it’s just for moral support.
Finally, there’s absolutely no reason for you to justify anything to anyone. You’re a human being going through a very tough time, and you’re doing the best you can.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in August 26 • 2026.
