Dear Reverend,
I love my sister dearly, but I hate going out to eat with her. Whenever we go to a restaurant, she’s rude to the waitstaff. She’s snippy, never says “please” or “thank you,” and sometimes even snaps her fingers to get the server’s attention. It’s incredibly embarrassing for me, but I don’t know how to make her stop. Help!
Disconcerted Diner (man, 38)
Dear Disconcerted Diner,
I’ll go out on a limb here and assume that your sister has never worked in the hospitality industry. If I ran the world, some kind of service job would be a prerequisite to becoming an adult. Call me crazy, but I think it helps make a person a better customer.
You could certainly stop going to restaurants with your sister, but that wouldn’t be much fun. I imagine you have already gone out of your way to make up for her rudeness by being extra nice, apologizing or leaving a big tip — but you shouldn’t have to bear the burden of her bad behavior.
Leading by example apparently hasn’t worked, so for any change to happen, you’ll need to take a direct approach. Your sister’s lack of general politeness is slightly less concerning than the snapping. That shit’s gotta stop for sure. The next time she does it, call her out. A simple “You know that’s rude” might be enough to do the trick.
If not, the next time she invites you out to eat, decline the invitation. When she asks why, lay it on her and tell her that she acts like a jerk at restaurants. It may be uncomfortable, but somebody’s gotta do it. You’ll be doing her a favor, because the only person she’s really embarrassing is herself.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in Oct 1-7 2025.