What If I’m Asked to Say Grace at Thanksgiving?

Dear Reverend,

I’m having Thanksgiving dinner at my girlfriend’s parents’ house this year. I’ve met them before, but this is the first family gathering I’ve been invited to. They’re fairly religious, and my girlfriend thinks that her father is going to ask me to say grace before dinner since I’m the newcomer. I’ve never done that before because I’m an atheist, and I’m not sure what I should do. Got any tips?

Talking Turkey

(man, 26)

Dear Talking Turkey,

If the idea really makes you uncomfortable, you can politely decline by suggesting that the host be the one to say grace. It would be quite rude of her father not to respect your wishes, but if he happens to be That Guy, it can’t hurt to have a backup plan.

While the act of saying grace is generally considered to be a Christian thing, many religions and cultures have a tradition of giving thanks before eating. It doesn’t have to be a prayer, and there are certainly plenty of ways to do it without getting God involved.

You could pull out the old Gratitude Circle and have everyone around the table say one thing they’re thankful for. That works well if it’s a small gathering, but if there are a lot of guests, the gravy is just going to get cold, and nobody wants that. A quicker alternative is to take a moment of silence in which everyone reflects on their good fortune.

Saying grace doesn’t have to be a big production number. You could simply thank the hosts, the people who prepared the food, and say that you’re grateful for being together. Bing, bang, you’re done. Short, sweet and from the heart is totally acceptable.

If you don’t want to wing it, you could prepare yourself with a secular standard. There are plenty to be found online, but here’s one of my favorites: We are thankful for being. We are thankful for being here. We are thankful for being here together.

Bonus points for any of these if you ask everyone to hold hands while you do it.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend