Dear Reverend,
My workplace does a Secret Santa, where we pick names and exchange gifts at our holiday party. This year, I picked the name of the Office Asshole. I don’t want to give him anything, but I figure I could make it something that lets him know what a jerk he is. A lump of coal doesn’t quite suffice, but a box of dog poop probably goes against health codes. Got any ideas?
Kaye Rampus (nonbinary, 35)
Dear Kaye Rampus,
As a card-carrying member of the Santa Claus Fan Club, I cannot condone any form of malicious gift giving. It’s in the bylaws.
Office-wide Secret Santas can be tricky enough when you pick someone you don’t know well. Drawing the name of someone you actively dislike adds extra difficulty — but it can be handled graciously.
If it’s not too late in the game, investigate the option of trading names with someone. Ask a few of your coworkers how their Secret Santa pick works for them, and perhaps you’ll find someone who is similarly stumped and willing to swap. However, this may require more effort than you’re willing to put in.
What is it that makes your guy the Office Asshole? Depending on the answer, it could be possible to poke a little fun through your gift without being straight-up mean. For example, if he’s always stressed, put together a package of calming teas, a stress ball and a book on meditation. Who knows? Maybe you could be the one to help him change his ways. This idea could backfire if he takes it too personally, though.
The best thing you can do is shift your focus from the person who receives the gift. Instead, think of where you’re going to spend your money to purchase it. Buy a gift card to support the little diner or café near your office or your favorite local gift shop or bookstore. I don’t imagine your Secret Santa spending limit is very much, but a little bit goes a long way when you keep it local.
Keeping good holiday karma is the best way to stay on the Nice List.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in Dec 10-16 2025.