Home for the Holidays

Dear Mistress,

When I went to my boyfriend’s parents’ house for Thanksgiving last year, I had a religious experience, literally. His family is very religious (like, a crucifix in every room, and his mom goes to church daily), and he had a hard time having sex in their home. When his mom and dad left the house to go shopping, I managed to convince him to have sex, but he wouldn’t do it in his childhood bed — he made us do it on the floor. I am a very sexually free person, and he usually is, too. Seeing him feeling ashamed about having sex was a turn-off and a little disturbing. I felt physically and emotionally distant from him for a while after our trip. Now, we’re preparing to fly back for Thanksgiving this year, and I’m not looking forward to it. I get that he wants to be respectful of his parents, but what about respecting our relationship?

Signed,

Next to Godliness

Dear Godliness,

There’s a reason why many of us live an airplane ride away from our parents, and this Thanksgiving, be thankful you only make this trip once a year. Believe me, I understand the need to get laid, but try being a bit more sensitive to his needs over the holiday. Shacking up in a childhood bedroom can be loaded, especially if the room comes complete with a lifetime of religious rearing.

Have a talk before you get on the plane. Rather than being holiday adversaries, you and your man have to work together like mashed potatoes and gravy. Let him know that his resistance to being intimate with you last Thanksgiving really put a cramp in your cranberry sauce. Let him know that while you wish to be respectful of his parents’ home and values, you still want to maintain a level of physical closeness with him. This doesn’t mean you have to perform porn-star-style sex on the Thanksgiving buffet, but it does mean you expect some affection and intimacy during your trip.

Here’s where the fun comes in: If he’s not up for sex at his parents’ house, challenge yourselves to find alternatives. Take a ride in the car and get down in the backseat. Find a motel and spend a couple of hours alone. Or, if you’re feeling the spirit of the holidays, get lost at a Christmas tree farm and get back to nature, if you know what I mean. Just be mindful of the pine needles — they get everywhere!

Giving thanks,

This article appears in The Meat Issue.

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