Dear Reverend,
So I’m gonna go ahead and throw it out there that I already know I’m bisexual. However, I’m kinda confused as to why I’m more likely to wind up in a relationship with a guy when I’m way more attracted to women. On the other hand, I’m also way more picky when it comes to whether or not I would sleep with certain women, whereas with men I don’t seem to have as high of a standard in regards to physical aspects.
Bi- Wildered (female, 27)
Dear Bi- Wildered,
I really like fruit. If I had to pick a favorite, I’d probably go with oranges, but I occasionally have a hankering for a banana. I’m way more picky about my bananas than I am my oranges. Oranges rarely let me down, but if a banana isn’t just the right ripe, I don’t want to put it in my mouth.
What does that mean? Who the hell knows. It’s just the first analogy to your situation that popped into my head.
People have been trying to figure out and label human sexuality for ages — the Kinsey Scale and the Klein Grid are two well-known examples. I just took a “Where Do I Fall on the Kinsey Scale?” online test that told me I’m equal parts heterosexual and homosexual, but I’ve only had sexual relations with dudes. Except for this one time at a Las Vegas party in Ohio… But that’s a story for another time.
No human being is totally heterosexual or homosexual. We’re all a varying amount of everything, and that goes for bisexuals, too. The website bi.org says it well: “There are as many ways to be bisexual as there are bi people; just like any other sexuality.”
If your confusion is really gnawing at you, I’d suggest that you find a support group. The Pride Center of Vermont would be a good place to start. In the meantime, consider yourself lucky that you know what you like, even though you might not know the reasons. And heed these words of wisdom: Sometimes a banana is just a banana.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in Jul 10-16, 2019.
Bisexuality is a diverse sexual orientation, because people within the bi+ community define it in various ways. Some identify as bisexual, while others use pansexual, queer, fluid, or no label at all to describe their attractions to more than one gender. Here, Fwbdr can help you find a bisexuality.