Dear Reverend,
I’m an old man looking for a lady to share life and love. Recently, I have shared consecutive crushes on two much younger ladies. Both crushes mutually faded. My parents had a three-year age difference. Some friends say a 10-year difference is all right. Given the circumstances, 20 to 30 years seems more realistic. Where do I go from here? Should I just be open-minded about age? I would like to know your advice, please.
Old Man (man, 71)
Dear Old Man,
Got the hots for a 100-year-old woman? To each their own!
Just kidding. I know that you mean you’d like to pursue a woman 20 to 30 years your junior. But I bet when you think about it in the other direction, it seems a little ridiculous, no? That’s a very large age gap for a successful relationship.
A 2017 Australian study found that couples with an age difference of one to three years were the most common and had the greatest levels of satisfaction. That satisfaction decreased slightly with an age gap of four to six years and continued to decrease with an age difference of seven or more years.
As far as I am aware, there is no set-in-stone rule about this sort of thing. As long as the people involved are consenting adults and they’re happy, who cares? But there are some details you should take into consideration.
It’s one thing to have a crush on someone much younger, but it’s a whole other can o’ beans to be in a real relationship with her. Having two or three decades between you means that you’ll have vastly different life experiences — and even day-to-day existences, if only one of you is retired or has grandchildren or health issues. And I hate to state the obvious, but you will likely die first and probably well before your partner. Where will that leave her? There’s also quite a stigma attached to both partners when an older man is with a much younger woman — even when the guy is a rich rock star. While it shouldn’t matter what other people think, it certainly can cause friction with families and friends.
It’s best not to use age as a filter for possible mates. Focus on finding a lady with whom you click, whether she is 57 or 75.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in Feb 1-7, 2023.
