Dear Reverend,
I am 20 years old, and my fiancé is 41. I really love him, and the age difference wasn’t an issue. But ever since I agreed to marry him, I started considering the age gap. Do you think it will be an issue?
Cree Del Robee (woman, 20)
Dear Cree Del Robee,
This is a great case of “If you have to ask, you already know.” The answer is yes. If the age gap weren’t an issue, you wouldn’t have come to me for advice.
A five- to 10-year difference is one thing, but your fiancé is more than twice your age. Think about it. He was one year older than you are right now when you were born. He could have legally toasted your birth with a glass of Champagne. He’s old enough to be your dad.
It’s nice to think that age doesn’t make a difference when it comes to matters of the heart, and I’m sure there are plenty of May-December romances out there doing just fine. However, relationships of any kind can be difficult. When you add a huge age gap to the equation, there are unique challenges.
One of the biggest concerns is that as you get older, he’ll get a lot older. If you want to have children, you need to consider the issues that will arise with him being an older dad. And barring any unforeseen circumstances, he will die before you do. I know that might be morbid, but you really do need to think about this sort of thing. The current average life expectancy for a man in the United States is 77. Just sayin’.
Regardless of the age difference, 20 is really young to be getting married. You’re just barely out of your teens. How long have you been with this guy? Have you had any other serious relationships? I’d urge you not to rush into getting hitched. You have plenty of time for that — even if he doesn’t.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in Jul 12-18, 2023.
