Dear Reverend,
My daughter just got engaged, and we could not be happier for her! My wife and I are retired, as are the future groom’s parents. They, however, have far deeper pockets.
The couple, both in their thirties, are being practical in their wedding wishes. They may even elope and have a big party after. The groom’s parents are more for the wedding bells and whistles: a large, traditional church wedding and reception.
Whatever happens, I have to be realistic about expenses. How to be diplomatic? Is it crude to name a dollar amount within our budget?
Father of the Bride (man)
Dear Father of the Bride,
Although it may vary from family to family, the notion that the bride’s parents must foot the bill for a wedding is mostly a thing of the past — especially nowadays when people are getting married at an older age and hopefully have the means to pay for the festivities themselves.
It’s wonderful that you’re willing and able to contribute to the wedding fund, but even if you weren’t retired, you shouldn’t overextend yourself financially. You and your wife should come up with a comfortable dollar amount and gift it to the couple ahead of the wedding. The groom’s parents can do the same, and if they can afford a larger sum, that’s great. Money matters can feel awkward, but there’s nothing crude about staying within your budget.
It sounds like your daughter and her fiancé aren’t concerned about the expensive bells and whistles, which is great, because none of that stuff is important in the big picture. What really matters is that they want to celebrate their love together with friends and family. Whether that happens in a backyard or a big hall, it’s an equally beautiful occasion.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in Jun 28 – Jul 4, 2023.
