Dear Reverend,
My partner makes a lot more money than I do, and she always gives me expensive gifts for my birthday and holidays. I appreciate it, but it kind of bothers me that I can’t afford to do the same for her. With Valentine’s Day coming up, should I tell her how I feel so she won’t give me another high-end gift?
Bea Myne (woman, 32)
Dear Bea Myne,
If your partner is an extravagant gift giver, she probably already has your Valentine’s Day present in the works. It’s a little late in the game to try to change her ways this time around.
You could make your feelings known, but I imagine she’d just tell you that the amount of money you spend on her doesn’t matter. And I’d have to say I agree. I know it can be awkward when someone gives you something pricey and you can’t reciprocate, but exchanging gifts isn’t meant to be a monetary match game.
If she loves you and she can afford to give you fancy things, I bet doing so gives her joy. You wouldn’t want to squash her joy, would you? Instead of feeling bad, how about you step up your gift-giving game in a way that you can afford? There are so many great gifts that don’t cost a lot of money.
My favorite sort of inexpensive gift is something that packs a big sentimental bang for the buck. Print out a favorite photo of the two of you and put it in a fancy frame. You can find those for a dime a dozen at a thrift store. Or print out a bunch of photos and put them in an album or scrapbook — also available for next to nothing. Easy peasy.
If you’re crafty — or maybe better yet, if you’re not — make her something. The time and effort put into a handmade gift are priceless. If you like to cook, chef up a dinner for two and go all out on dressing up the table. Get some popcorn and candy and set up a cozy movie night in the living room. You get the idea. It really is the thought that counts.
Oddly enough, receiving gifts can be a heck of a lot harder than giving them. Learning how to do so graciously takes a little practice — and it sounds like you’re getting that. So keep up the good work!
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in Feb 5-11, 2025.
