I have, yet again, been saving up food-related articles from The Onion. Here are a few for your Friday evening reading pleasure:

~ Potential Employee Uprising Quelled with Free Pizza

~ Piggly Wiggly Scouting Report Indicates J.J. Hardy Enjoys Rib-Eye Steaks

~ Tomato Genetically Modified to be More Expensive

~ Nation’s Poorest 1% Now Controls Two-Thirds of U.S. Soda Can Wealth

~ Desperate Chives Marketing Board Launches ‘Big Bowl o’ Chives in the Mornin” Campaign

This article appears in May 28 – Jun 3, 2008.

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Former contributor Suzanne Podhaizer is an award-winning food writer (and the first Seven Days food editor) as well as a chef, farmer, and food-systems consultant. She has given talks at the Stone Barns Center for Agriculture's "Poultry School" and its...