Cathy Resmer: Dropping My Kids Off at College

All across Vermont, college students have begun returning to their campuses for the fall semester. This year, instead of being a bystander, I’ve been part of this mass migration.

My wife and I recently moved our two children into their Vermont State University dorm rooms for the first time. Ann-Elise trekked to Johnson with our daughter, Ivy, 18; I headed two hours south to Castleton with our 20-year-old son, Graham. Both are enrolled in VTSU’s one-year practical nursing program, the first step to becoming RNs.

We’ve been easing into this inevitable departure for years. Graham and Ivy started attending overnight summer camp at age 7. By 15, they were each staying a month or more.

They’re world travelers, too. Ivy graduated high school a year early, and last fall she and Graham pooled their money and backpacked around Europe together for two and a half months.

They’re probably not gone for good — both have talked about moving back in after they finish school to work and pay off student loans. So saying goodbye shouldn’t have been that emotional. Still, I got choked up occasionally as Graham drove us down Route 7. We reminisced about the many, many times we’d traveled that road together before, on the way to and from football games and wrestling tournaments.

I managed a cheerful goodbye before my eyes welled up with tears.

Those days are long gone — Graham spent the past two years living at home and earning his associate degree at the Community College of Vermont. Still, my heart ached remembering the thrill of cheering for him from the bleachers.

When we arrived at his dorm, we discovered that each room door was labeled with a cartoon superhero sign announcing the occupants. Graham’s roommate got a Spider-Man sign; Graham got Captain America. “What is this, preschool drop-off?” we joked.

I helped him unpack. He realized he had forgotten a few items, so we joined the legions of VTSU families wandering the aisles at the Rutland Walmart. Meanwhile, Ann-Elise and Ivy were blowing up our family group chat with texts from the orientation barbecue at Johnson.

When it was time for me to leave, I hugged Graham, who is almost a foot taller than I am, and flashed back to the first time I held him as a newborn, swaddled in a hospital blanket — I’d had a similar moment earlier saying goodbye to Ivy. Both times I managed a cheerful goodbye before my eyes welled up with tears. On the way to the car in Castleton, I recalled that my own parents had chauffeured me from East Detroit to a college 600 miles away in Virginia in the pre-cellphone era. If they could let go, so could I.

I leaned against my car in the parking lot to respond to work messages and witnessed several pairs of grief-stricken parents leaving the building. A mom and dad who were parked next to me approached.

“Did you just drop someone off?” I asked.

“Yes,” the mom answered through tears. “Can you tell? I’m a mess!”

I sympathized, then hopped into my empty car and headed back to Winooski, trying to process saying goodbye to my kids. Lost in thought, I sped past the Vermont Teddy Bear Factory — and a state trooper. He pulled me over and gave me a fat speeding ticket.

But I did have something to be excited about: That day, Ann-Elise and I had been trading texts on a new group chat with a couple and their friend — our potential new housemates. We’d decided to rent out the kids’ rooms and give Graham and Ivy the money to help pay for school.

Ann-Elise and I both lived in co-ops before moving in together 27 years ago. We’ve rented out a room in our house several times since, to friends or Seven Dayzers who needed temporary housing. We like sharing our space — especially with people willing to pitch in around the house.

We’d interviewed these three twentysomethings and clicked with them. They reminded us of the chill, communicative people who lived in our co-ops. Their references checked out. On the day our kids left the nest, we officially welcomed our new housemates to fill it, at least until June.

Now we’re getting ready for their move-in day: September 15.

Publisher Paula Routly is on vacation and will be back in September.