Dear Reverend,
I’ve never had an orgasm while having sex with a partner. I’ve tried everything, but it’s just not something that happens for me. Honestly, I don’t care in the least. I enjoy having sex, and I can have an orgasm on my own anytime I want. The issue is that my current partner acts like it’s his job to give me an orgasm, and I think he feels like he’s doing something wrong. I’m not one to fake it, so how do I make him understand that there isn’t a problem?
O. Nough
(woman, 38)
Dear O. Nough,
Studies show that up to 80 percent of women have faked an orgasm at some point in their lives. I’m glad you’re not one of them. Although it’s an easy way to placate a partner, it doesn’t really do anybody any good.
Research also shows that about 75 percent of women don’t reach orgasm through vaginal penetration alone, and 10 to 15 percent have never had an orgasm at all — ever. Again, I’m glad that’s not you and that you have no problem making it happen on your own.
Speaking of, have you ever had your partner join you when you take matters into your own hands? He could just watch, or a little mutual masturbation could kick things up a notch. It might be a fun way to get him involved with your orgasm without him feeling responsible for it. A little experimentation is bound to be a good time.
Some people think that reaching climax is the Big Finish Line for sex, and it seems your partner falls into that category. Find a time to have a conversation with him about the issue — outside the bedroom. He probably needs reassurance about his performance, so tell him everything you love about being intimate with him. Explain that your focus is on connecting with him in the moment and having an orgasm isn’t your goal.
Having sex should be like a journey with an unknown destination. When you remove the pressure about how it’s going to end, you can enjoy the ride so much more.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in August 5 • 2026.
