You wander into the bookstore, looking for a swell new 1996 Vermont calendar. Your options range from pictures of orangey-yellow foliage set against a Technicolor blue sky to skiers on sparkling white slopes to…a kind of pained-looking young man, face scrunched up, veins bulging, and mouth formed into a perfect, sweaty “o” so close to a microphone it looks as if he’s going to swallow it whole. Huh?

Holy foo! you say. What is this? Where’s my foliage? Where’s my snow? Who is this microphone-eating sweaty boy?

Why, it’s the premiere 1996 Good Citizen calendar. Good Citizen, producers of a CD, quarterly music magazine and video to the ‘zine, have come up with yet another music-scene-promoting marketing scheme: a calendar with black and white photos of Burlington musicians in action. That guy with an appetite for audio equipment is Tom Lawson of The Pants — and he’s not in pain, he’s just really into his music. 

With the exception of the November photo featuring Nectar Rorris and Big Joe Burrell, all the pictures are of musicians in concert. “A lot of people are into the music, and it really shows,” says Mark Sasahara, who took several of the calendar’s photos. “I had a lot of fun taking pictures in general. There’s a lot of energy, and the music is great.”

Energetic photos were just what the judges — including Good Citizen co-publishers Patricia Braine and Andrew Smith — were looking for. “We had to think, ‘Am I going to be willing to look at that for a month?'” Braine says.

“I’m not even worthy of [being looked at] for a few seconds,” protests Colin Clary, lead singer of the Madelines and pin-up for the month of May. “I mean, I just happened to be by the camera guy.” Dysfunkshun’s Richard Bailey admits he’s flattered to be in the calendar, but other models share Clary’s embarrassment. Like Slush vocalist Jeff Howlett. “I don’t know. I guess it’s…I don’t know too much about the calendar,” he stammers. “Andrew [Smith] told me about it.”

Like the Good Citizen CD party last spring, the calendar will have a debut party at Burlington’s Magic Hat Brewery on November 14 — timed perfectly for holiday shopping. There, party-goers will get a sneak preview of the pics — and the “important dates in Burlington’s music history, from the early 20th century and beyond,” including birthdates of the city’s musical who’s who.

If the calendar clearly celebrates the Burlington music scene, it was intended to showcase the photographers as well, according to Smith. “Normally, the photojournalists who shoot for Good Citizen don’t get that much exposure,” he says. “It’s a chance to show them off in a big, glossy, well-produced format.”

But the bands, of course, are also big and glossy — including the entrepreneurial Smith’s band, Chin Ho! Burlington’s music scene is still relatively small, and the fact that a calendar celebrating that scene is essentially being produced by the scene makers bothers some people. “It’s like seeing a good review [of your band],” says Clary, “and then finding out it was written by your best friend.”

If Clary is a little cynical about being a pin-up, he’s excited all the same. “My dad’s going to be, like, ‘you’re a rock star.’ I won’t tell my friends I’m excited, because they’ll think I’m cheesing out.”

No question about it, though: The calendars will make for some nifty-ass holiday presents. Smith promises to keep them as inexpensive as possible, “so my friends can afford it.” If you want foliage and snow, just look out your window. It looks better there than hanging on your wall. You just can’t say the same for a contorted, sweaty guy eating a microphone. 

This article appears in The Music Issue • 1995.