Dear Reverend,
I’m the youngest in my family and also the only vegetarian. Any time we have a get-together involving food, I get picked on. Backyard barbecue season is the worst. With that upon us, do you have any tips for how to make them stop?
Noah Beef (genderqueer, 22)
Dear Noah Beef,
As a fellow herbivore, I can commiserate. I had a particularly pesky brother-in-law who often manned the grill at our family cookouts. He loved to wave a bloody burger in my face and say he made it just for me — every damn time. He got a big kick out of it, but it was annoying as all get-out to me.
You know how I got him to stop? I completely ignored him. No yelling at him to knock it off. No eye rolls. Nothing. I just didn’t engage. When he realized his “joke” had no effect on me, he quit it.
I find the cold shoulder to be a very effective tactic whenever somebody gives me guff about not eating meat. It’s not usually worth the time to engage them in an ethical debate, so why bother? However, if that route doesn’t do the trick, take a more direct approach with whoever is harassing you. Let them know, firmly, that being a vegetarian is important to you and that you don’t appreciate being mocked for it. If they realize that they’re actually hurting your feelings, they should knock it off.
I’ll never understand why some carnivores try to rile up vegetarians. I think it’s because somewhere, deep down, they feel bad about eating animals. I mean, I’ve never felt the need to taunt anyone with a slab of tofu. On that note, the next time your family gets together for a barbecue, bring a delicious meatless dish to share. You may never win them over to your side, but at least they won’t be able to talk with their mouths full.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in The Dairy Issue.
