I’m hoping someone out there can clear up a little mystery for me.

On Saturday, while I was happily putting my half-price coupon for a mani/pedi at Mirror Mirror to use in downtown Burlington, someone stuck a little lime-green card under the windshield wiper on my car. (It looks yellow here, but whatever.) Spotting it upon my return, and thinking it might be yet another coupon to bolster someone’s January-thin business, I snatched the card curiously.

But no. As you can see here, the paper depicted a little pointy-hatted, white-bearded (do they come any other way?) gnome leaning against what appears to be a cut tree trunk, with the imperative message “Don’t Mess with Gnomes!”

Now, had I recently been messing with gnomes, I would have a considered this a sinister threat, and also wondered, Who knew I was messing with gnomes? But as I had long ago given up gnomes for … um, sock monkeys, all I could think was: New local band? Great name!

Or, wait, was it an aptly tiny flyer for the upcoming movie Gnomeo and Juliet? I hoped not, cuz that film looks unbearable. (But in case you’re interested, James McAvoy and Emily Blunt voice the star-crossed and inexplicably animated garden statuary. Sheesh.)

But I digress. The thought did also occur that “gnomes” are something sexual that I’ve never heard of, but I’m not going with that. Instead, I’d love it if someone could just help me out here. Hello?

This article appears in Jan 12-18, 2011.

Pamela Polston is a contributing arts and culture writer and editor. She cofounded Seven Days in 1995 with Paula Routly and served as arts editor, associate publisher and writer. Her distinctive arts journalism earned numerous awards from the Vermont Press Association, the Association of Alternative Newsmedia and the New England Newspaper & Press Association. Pamela was inducted into the New England Newspaper Hall of Fame in 2015. In 2021, the Vermont Arts Council presented her with the Walter Cerf...

22 replies on “Got Gnomes?”

  2. I think your card is from the White River Disc Golf course in Randolph. It’s a very wooded course, and the folks who maintain it have hidden a whole bunch of tiny gnome statues in cool places throughout the course (in tree trunks and branches, flowerpots, etc). They also have lots of “Don’t Mess With Gnomes” cards—some of them look just like yours—posted around the course to keep folks from stealing the gnomes, moving or vandalizing them, etc. Take a field trip sometime next summer and visit them!Of course, the disc golfers could just be taking inspiration from a pre-existing gnome protection movement… 🙂

  3. The only thing similar I have seen is a “Chillin’ with my Gnomies” accessory and t-shirt from David and Goliath tees.

  4. I appreciate all the advice here, people. Clearly you’ve had more experience with gnomes than I have. And confirmed my suspicions about their evil ways.

  6. This is simply a parking ticket asking for donations to bail Kiss and Leopold out of the mess they created. Do not pay it . it amounts to bail money for these two.

  9. Hi,I don’t “got” gnomes because I sell them whenever I get one! And I would never consider messing with them….they’re tougher than you would think.Looking forward to hearing the answer to this mystery.Mary

  10. I wish I could help you but I cannot. Perhaps it is just a general admonition. I do hope you find out what this is about and tell us all. It is exciting to think that there might be gnomes about or at least their advocates. I wonder what we did or might do by way of messing with them. We should find out and make sure we don’t.

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