I’m hoping someone out there can clear up a little mystery for me.

On Saturday, while I was happily putting my half-price coupon for a mani/pedi at Mirror Mirror to use in downtown Burlington, someone stuck a little lime-green card under the windshield wiper on my car. (It looks yellow here, but whatever.) Spotting it upon my return, and thinking it might be yet another coupon to bolster someone’s January-thin business, I snatched the card curiously.

But no. As you can see here, the paper depicted a little pointy-hatted, white-bearded (do they come any other way?) gnome leaning against what appears to be a cut tree trunk, with the imperative message “Don’t Mess with Gnomes!”

Now, had I recently been messing with gnomes, I would have a considered this a sinister threat, and also wondered, Who knew I was messing with gnomes? But as I had long ago given up gnomes for … um, sock monkeys, all I could think was: New local band? Great name!

Or, wait, was it an aptly tiny flyer for the upcoming movie Gnomeo and Juliet? I hoped not, cuz that film looks unbearable. (But in case you’re interested, James McAvoy and Emily Blunt voice the star-crossed and inexplicably animated garden statuary. Sheesh.)

But I digress. The thought did also occur that “gnomes” are something sexual that I’ve never heard of, but I’m not going with that. Instead, I’d love it if someone could just help me out here. Hello?

This article appears in Jan 12-18, 2011.

Pamela Polston is a contributing arts and culture writer and editor. She cofounded Seven Days in 1995 with Paula Routly and served as arts editor, associate publisher and writer. Her distinctive arts journalism earned numerous awards from the Vermont Press Association, the Association of Alternative Newsmedia and the New England Newspaper & Press Association. Pamela was inducted into the New England Newspaper Hall of Fame in 2015. In 2021, the Vermont Arts Council presented her with the Walter Cerf...

22 replies on “Got Gnomes?”

  1. I was at a disc golf course in Scarborough Maine and came across two different and gnome cards while playing a round!One did say don’t mess with gnomes and both were on bright card stock. ???

  2. Crazy Vermont Hippie, I’ve found said cards in our great state of Maine, and was a little concerned we were under attack by the little beasts!!

  3. Thanks for the info. Will have to check that out next summer! Hoping my gnome card will get me in free.

  4. I know the gnome master himself and mountaingirl got it correct- your card is indeed related to the gnomes in the Randolph disc golf course. The perpetrator leaves these cards at random where ever he goes. so that tells me my friend was recently in town. there is no malicious intent, he is just an old prankster hippie 😉 you might spot similar cards in various watering holes as well

  5. At a Halloween party I attended there were two members of the Department of Gnomeland Security … perhaps you’re under surveillance.

  7. I think it may be a guerilla marketing campaign for the new book: How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will)

  8. I don’t know about all of you but I have a Gnome guarding the front entrance of our house. So I guess your little card is correct. What did you do to deserve this my dear?

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