So, Burlington has this kickball league. Last month, VPR did a little segment on it. They’ve got a blog. And a Facebook group.
And now, they have a hater.
Last week, zombie aficionado Undead Molly declared her animosity toward their nostalgic pastime on her blog. In a post entitled “Dear fucking twee hipster kickball motherfuckers,” she writes:
Dear Burlington Kickballers,
Oh my gosh, we so admire your childlike sense of fun. Your wacky originality. Your HILARIOUS tastein ironic beer. The best part is when you wear headbands, wristbands,and kneesocks – that makes you so Xtra wacky, original, and hilarious.I laugh just thinking about cans of PBR. What’s that you’re smoking?Marby Lights? You are too funny.
In fact, Molly’s main beef with the kickballers is that Oakledge Park now charges for parking until 9 p.m. Molly attributes that change (they used to stop charging at 7) to the presence of the kickball league.
She says she’s abandoned the park at night entirely, all because of the kickballers.
…even if I pay the $5 to get in, it’s not even worth it because thechances of finding a parking space are slim – the lots are completelyfull of your gas guzzlers and hipstermobiles. I hate overhearing yourbanal meme-laden banter…
So fuck you, you pathetic vanilla American Apparel hipster doofusfaux-literate faux-urban faux-vintage pop culture junkie self-adulatingsmug conformist kickball motherfuckers.
Ouch!
Any kickballers out there care to kick back?
This article appears in Jul 30 – Aug 5, 2008.
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Hey Molly, We’re sorry if we kickballers find our fun outside of Zombie Walks and L.A.R.P like you and your ilk do. Even though we find those activities laughable and sad in their own right, we don’t go online spewing our bile about your ridiculous pastimes, so what gives? I suggest you may want to stop drinking the Hatorade and find a new night other than Tuesdays to get your Magic: The Gathering love on down at Oakledge. We know it’s been hard on you and the rest of the dork squad since Algebars shut down, but maybe you can find a more creative outlet for your sick hipster hate fascination.. I wonder, did a hipster break your heart? can’t we all still just get along?
Hey Molly, Your concerns are valid but I’ve got to agree, you sound like a total hipster yourself. Even your EXTENSIVE knowledge of the makings of a hipster, unfortunately, makes it seem like you do your blogging in a room without mirrors. Oh, and the pic on your MySpace page with the jet black hair, extensive ink and vintage looking outfit doesn’t exactly convince me otherwise… Our group “monopolizes” the park’s fields from about 6:30pm-8:30pm on Thursday evenings. After that, we move into ONE of the TWO pavilions. Also keep in mind, the fields by the soccer goals and volleyball court and upper pavilion AND down by the beach at the end of the bike path aren’t touched by us at all during the night. Oh, and yes, you’re right: not a single one of us has a designated driver at the end of the evening, nor do the rest of us ride our bikes to get to/from there. Your rant’s a bit “dramatic” to say the least, but thanks for making us look like vile, souless, brainless night walkers… which, PS, is super ironic that you hate us because aren’t you into zombies or something? Kisses!!
When making arguments as to why a particular event is detrimental to a place or community it is usually helpful to base anger on fact, rather than spewing forth unfounded vitriol. As to the complaints about league overrunning the park on Thursday evening, they contract the use of the fields. The league pays a fee to reserve the fields each Thursday night. If you think this is an unwise or unfair decision, then I suggest talking to the department of Parks and Recreation.The Thursday night kickball games begin at 6:30 p.m. As most hipsters strive to be as perfectly fashionably late as can be, this means that games commence around quarter to seven. It would follow that all hipsters, arriving in their gas guzzling hipster mobiles, would attempt to park before this deadline. If all kickballers are parked and at their fields by seven, in what way would it make sense to lay blame at the feet of the league for a parking fee extension till nine? It seems as if the recent economic downturn and a decline in state or city funding would be a more logical place to point one’s finger in the park’s revamping of their parking policy? Perhaps you need to take a look inward when it comes to the issue that you seem to have with the “Xtra wacky, original, and hilarious” (and here I’m assuming that you are making a concerted effort to use sarcasm as your main literary device) uniforms that most kickball players sport. The league was founded in an effort to offer an outside space during the summer in which people could congregate and have fun in a non-competitive atmosphere. Its intended function was to allow people to let loose and have a good time(you may remember what this feels like; that tingly feeling of glee that you had before you let your jaded world view and overblown sense of self worth cloud your judgement). People wear silly costumes in an attempt to achieve this “fun” of which I speak. If this offends you in such a great manner, my deepest and most sincere apologies.This league is in its third year running. It started out as a much smaller group of players, but due to its popularity and in an effort to include all who have shown interest, it has grown expansively. With rapid growth comes additional problems that do need to be addressed. If there are noise complaints and concerns about drunk driving, bitching on a blog is a poor way to bring about much needed change; driving under the influence is a threat to the entire community of Burlington, not just prospective users of the park. Being proactive in one’s community and attempting to open solid lines of communication with the offending party in order to solve these issues seems like a much more rational and civil way in which to respond. The league has never been associated with WAKA. This means that it was created and run for two years, voluntarily, by a single person. It now has two chair persons, who I’m sure would like nothing more than to see the league prosper, rather than become a divisive event in the community. I am sure the organizers of the league would welcome any constructive criticism so that the bonds between the league and the community may heal and that the league may once again offer the benefits it provided at its conception.
Molly, Clearly you are you very jealous of the kickballers very innocent fun. Oakledge is a public park which kickballers use one night a week. Those of us who live and around Burlington are lucky enough to have access to many fine parks. It happens however that Oakledge is the only park big enough accommodate our growing league. Isn’t there another park in Burlington (or just outside of of Burlington) you might enjoy on this night? Also, if there had been a parking or driving issue with the neighbors, shouldn’t residents in the immediate area or South Burlington police be the ones to deal with it? I would beware of just sounding bitter or selfish with your opinion of these folks…btw- I actually enjoy pbr and marb lights most days of the week, not just on the ones I play kickball
So cynical! So snide! So. . . accurate!You go, Molly.xoxoMM
Hi! I don’t hate kickball. I think anything that bring people outdoors and face to face is probably a great thing.What I hate is that they completely monopolize the park. It’s a public space that is for many hours each week the exclusive, private territory of the kickballers. They prohibitively overrun the small park such that nobody else can use it – there are so many people that dozens of them park in the nearby residential streets. The people who live there are annoyed by not only this but also the screaming and drunks to which they are subjected.I don’t hate kickball. I hate drunk drivers. I hate spectacularly bad citizenship. I hate that one of the few things I have left to enjoy in my daily life due to medical and financial restraints has been taken away from me.P.S. Cathy, zombies are totally a hipster thing, much to my dismay. But I am a lifelong horror fan! With 30 years of both personal and academic pursuit invested. I can’t just switch to romantic comedies because zombies happen to be de rigeur right now (pun totally intended).
I say we have us a zombies vs. twee kickballers rumble! The kickballers can be armed with kickballs and cans of PBR and the zombies are allowed to eat the kickballers’ brains. The betting pool starts now.
WOW! How could something as benign as a kickball league be so bothersome. Maybe I don’t get it because I like me some kickin’ (but i’m usually on the dance floor when I unload).
Also, the fact that she’s into zombies. Sorry, Molly, but aren’t zombies a hipster thing? Or are they an anti-hipster thing? They’re the new ninjas (which were the new pirates). Although I feel like they’re waning now.
Even though I may be acquainted with a few of the so-called “hipsters,” I couldn’t help but pee my pants a little when I read Molly’s post. Especially the “monkeys-making-a-getaway-from-the-lab drunk driving.”But I wonder this: Doesn’t the fact that she uses the word “twee” make her a hipster? That word freaks me out. That and “foodie.”