So, Burlington has this kickball league. Last month, VPR did a little segment on it. They’ve got a blog. And a Facebook group.

And now, they have a hater.

Last week, zombie aficionado Undead Molly declared her animosity toward their nostalgic pastime on her blog. In a post entitled “Dear fucking twee hipster kickball motherfuckers,” she writes:

Dear Burlington Kickballers,

Oh my gosh, we so admire your childlike sense of fun.  Your wacky originality.  Your HILARIOUS tastein ironic beer. The best part is when you wear headbands, wristbands,and kneesocks – that makes you so Xtra wacky, original, and hilarious.I laugh just thinking about cans of PBR. What’s that you’re smoking?Marby Lights? You are too funny.

In fact, Molly’s main beef with the kickballers is that Oakledge Park now charges for parking until 9 p.m. Molly attributes that change (they used to stop charging at 7) to the presence of the kickball league.

She says she’s abandoned the park at night entirely, all because of the kickballers.

…even if I pay the $5 to get in, it’s not even worth it because thechances of finding a parking space are slim – the lots are completelyfull of your gas guzzlers and hipstermobiles. I hate overhearing yourbanal meme-laden banter…

So fuck you, you pathetic vanilla American Apparel hipster doofusfaux-literate faux-urban faux-vintage pop culture junkie self-adulatingsmug conformist kickball motherfuckers.

Ouch!

Any kickballers out there care to kick back?

This article appears in Jul 30 – Aug 5, 2008.

Seven Days’ deputy publisher and co-owner Cathy Resmer is a writer, editor and advocate for local journalism. She works in the paper’s Burlington office and lives vicariously through the reporters while raising money to pay them. Cathy started at Seven Days as a freelance writer in 2001 and still has the Rolodex to prove it. As the paper’s first online editor, she launched Seven Days email newsletters and started the paper’s first social media accounts. Cathy has overseen Kids VT, Vermont’s...

52 replies on “Undead Molly Hates Burlington’s Kickball League”

  1. I’m a bit confused – how does Kickball one night a week translate into the park extending its fee window by two hours every day of the week? How is this a direct correlation? Did the parks & rec department confirm this and if so, how in the world could they use this as a valid explanation when extra fees are paid to them by the league and pretty much every kickball car is parked by 6:45? I am sorry that the money issue has gotten in the way of you enjoying the park the way you have in the past, but I think you are be blaming people who have nothing to do with your situation. It’s not a logical explanation for the fee/time window increase, and if that’s the reason you were given, someone is lying to you. I also feel that if you did explain your situation to the proper people, you may be able to get some assistance, and perhaps could be granted access for a reduced/no fee. As far as drunk driving, that’s a pretty heavy accusation to lay on a large group of people, and from what I have seen in the past two years, not true at all. The police are well aware of us – if there are so many drunk drivers rolling out of Oakledge on Thursday nights, why not set a honey trap outside the park and let the revenue roll in? DUI’s are expensive, you know. I have only seen the police there once for an alcohol-related incident, and it was someone not involved with kickball. It really is just a group of overall very nice people having some fun. Nothing more, nothing less. Come and watch a game or two – you might be surprised.

  3. Aarhg, for the millionth time. The problem isn’t ACCESS, it’s MONEY. There is now a $5 fee ($6 for non-residents) every night – there wasn’t one before. The park was free between 7pm and 9pm. I never used the fields, I don’t care about the fields. I used to be able to go swimming at Oakledge between 7pm and 9pm, and now I can’t because they have started charging.The kickballers only play on Thursdays. But here is the after 7pm fee schedule:Monday: $5Tuesday: $5Wednesday: $5Thursday: KickballFriday: $5Saturday: $5Sunday: $5Is anyone comprehending this? Do I need to make a funny song-lyric style diagram?

  4. Hey Molly,We don’t play kickball in the water, on the beach, in or near the tree house. Because, well, that would be difficult. Plus getting sand, water, or tree leaves in our stripy socks or worse our PBR’s is not ironic enough for us hipsters. So there is nothing preventing you from using the areas that you seem to want to ( unless you too are afraid of getting sand on YOUR orignal T-shirt. Just don’t you wander into one of the kickball fields unless you are ready for some shenanagins Come say hi, we don’t bite– which on second thought may be a turn off for you.

  5. Hey Molly,Hipster kickball only happens one night a week, so I’m confused as to how this inhibits your swimming every evening? Also, I think that season long parking passes are only thirty-five bucks for Burlington residents, which would help you to have access to water every other night of the week on the cheap.I write in order to vent as well, but when you post something on a public forum, there has to be some understanding as to why there is such a strong response. I understand that it was posted on a personal blog, but seven days took public information, opened it to a wider audience, and then essentially instigated the argument by asking players to “kick back”. Granted it would be ideal if folks responded to the actual accusations, rather than making personal attacks, but when you issue such harsh blanketed statements about a lot of individuals involved in the activity, you’re bound to get some low jabs.If anything, hopefully this creates an open forum in which the problems that the league creates can be addressed in a way that accommodates both regular park users and kickballers.

  6. Yeah, I posted that picture of the kickball. I saw a similar one posted somewhere associate with this league and thought the league was affiliated. Guess I was mistaken. I’ll take it down.It’s true, Molly didn’t send me this post. I’m just a fan of her blog, and I thought her creative rant was worthy of a wider audience. And I figured it might generate some discussion.

  9. Cathy, Ninja’s were the new pirates? I wasn’t sure of the historical rise of the two. Sort of thought they came to hipster prominence around the same time. Having been a geek a hipster though it’s often hard to tell when I like something because it’s geeky or hipster.

  10. First of all, it’s one stupid blog post. One stupid blog post in whooooooole internet. Who cares??? Why does anyone care what I think? Who the hell am I? Nobody! Sheesh.I will happily respond to anyone who takes the time to read my entire post and subsequent comments here. I will not, however, volley with trolls. If you expect me to answer your comment, you have to do your homework first.1. I wasn’t trying to change anything or bring about a dialog with anyone. I wasn’t “Taking up” the issue. I was just venting on my stupid blog. I didn’t send this to Seven Days or portray it as being anything but an outlet of venom that I wrote one night because I was hot and pissed that I couldn’t go to Oakledge to cool off.2. Am I jealous of people who can play kickball? Hell yes! I am disabled and unable to play sports like that. That was part of the point – that swimming at Oakledge was one of the few things that I am physically and financially able to do, and I’m sad and angry that I can no longer do it.3. I didn’t say that the kickball league was associated with WAKA. Cathy posted that pic, not me.4. I’ll help you out in pointing out all the ways I’m a hipster:a. frequently wear cutesy rainbow shoes, 50s style dresses, etc.b. shop at thrift stores very frequentlyc. keep a blogd. zombies, zombies, zombies!e. are my tattoos hipstery?f. I like kitten notebooks and bindersg. I can’t think of anything else right now. I’m sure there’s a lot.5. I’m not sure how my anger is not based in fact? The fact is that I can’t use Oakledge on summer evenings anymore. I can’t afford to pay $5 every time I want to go swimming or sit in the tree house. I’d be equally mad if this was as a result of any group of inconsiderate people, it just happens to be hipsters and therefore my vitriol is directed at them.But in conclusion, why does anyone care what I think? I mean, look at all that swearing! I’m clearly mentally unbalanced. Why is this touching anyone’s nerves?

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