Last Tuesday, Vermont’s phavorite jam band, Phish, announced that they would play a special benefit concert for victims of Tropical Storm Irene. Unsurprisingly, the quartet’s announcement created tremors of excitement around Vermont and across the whole of Phish phandom. No sooner had word gotten out about the phoursome’s show then dedicated Phish phollowers the country over grabbed some hula hoops, a couple djembe drums, a few pallets of Cheetos and their best water bongs, hopped in their vanagons and hightailed it to Vermont.
They came phrom all over — New Jersey, Connecticut, New Jersey, Colorado, New Jersey — in the hope of nabbing one of the hottest tickets in town. The devoted called in sick to work so they could camp out on the sidewalk, despite the fact that the FlynnCenter box office asked them not to queue until Saturday when the tickets went on sale. When the box office opened at 10 a.m., the weary waiters rubbed the weed smoke phrom their eyes, threw off their drug rugs and stepped up to take their place in history — the show, after all, will be Phish’s phirst in its home state since 2004’s epic concert in Coventry, a big, sloppy mess if ever there was one.
By late Saturday, the show’s 10,000 tickets were sold out. All the die-hards walked away from the box office with a $75 ticket in hand (all the proceeds go to the band’s Waterwheel Foundation and the Vermont Community Foundation, which will dole out the money to appropriate phlood relief efforts). But here’s what I want to know — what are all the out-of-state phans doing until Wednesday’s show at the Champlain Valley Exposition, besides making daisy chains, crafting hemp dog leashes, swapping bootlegs and hosting sing-alongs in City Hall Park? Here’s what they should be doing — volunteering.
I submit that if you’re coming to Vermont just phor the show, you need to phind yourself some gloves and a mask and pitch in. More than 700 residences were destroyed or significantly damaged when Irene rolled through. Sorry to harsh your mellow, but hundreds of people are homeless and without work and could really use a helping hand.
Phans might say that they’re already helping out by purchasing a ticket and dropping some cash on limited edition merch. I dig that, Moonbeam Sunflower. But before the money starts rolling in, there’s work that needs doing. And if you could phigure out a way to get your patchworked, Birkenstocked self all the way here, you can sure as hell phigure out a way to provide some assistance.
Not sure what you can do? Phair enough. Here are some ideas:
— You could phill your camper van with personal hygiene products, phirst aid items, cleaning and school supplies and food and take it to South Royalton. For a full list of this community’s needs, click here.
— How about taking down some walls and pulling up some flooring for the Kadrik family in Waterbury?
— Perhaps you could help muck out the Hancock Town Hall basement.
— Maybe you could help phix the phence at Turner Farm on Route 100 in the Mad River Valley.
There are many more projects that you could help with. Your best bet to phind volunteer opportunities is VTResponse. If you are willing and able, they will gladly set you up with something to do. Not able to swing a hammer, carry a bucket or throw things in a dumpster? Consider writing a check the American Red Cross of Vermont and the New Hampshire Valley, the United Way of Chittenden County, the Vermont Foodbank or any number of towns accepting financial donations. Remember to earmark your contribution for flood relief.
Vermont has been good to you, no? We gave you Phish and Ben & Jerry’s and phlannel and weed. That’s right — we invented phlannel. And weed. We might have even invented patchouli, white-people dreadlocks and barefoot dancing. So consider giving back. Then when you go back to New Jersey, you can tell all your phriends how you helped save Vermont. So heady, brah.
This article appears in Sep 7-13, 2011.
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Hmm, i can kind of see both sides to this one. Normally I like Lauren’s writing, but this was pretty poor. Considering there were 22 hours between the ticket announcement and the on-sale time, I don’t think the people who started lining up immediately were out-of-staters. And for God’s sake–PATCHOULI jokes? Boy, that’s real clever. Try harder, please. Someone who lives in Vermont should know better than that. And although it was very rude of the “Phans” who completely disregarded Higher Ground/The Flynn’s request not to line up until Saturday night, at least they didn’t cause many problems. Other than the pot smell lining St. Paul Street, but that beat the cigarette smell that usually pervades down there, anyway.Having said all that… again, Phish Phans, why is it that your desire for tickets is more important than the Flynn’s reasonable request not to queue up until Saturday morning? And I have to say, it seemed utterly crass for people to camp out on a sidewalk all day and night while people as close as Richmond and Waterbury are still in desperate need of volunteers to help get their lives back in order. That’s not to say that life must stop as long as flood victims still need help, but come on, phans — why not do something productive instead of sit in the same spot for 20 hours straight? I know it’s impossible, but it would have been nice if all those people who lined up for tickets had to spend 6 hours lending a hand to someone in need, instead of waiting in line.
This is awesome. I was just looking for examples of piss-poor journalism. Thanks for making it a quick search!
Hey let’s rip on a band that is putting on a benefit concert with all proceeds going to charity and then let’s rip on their fans who are willing to pay $75 for the charity tickets!!!!I am sure you could have done something much more productive to help out the community during the 2-3 minutes it must have taken you to write this piece of crap.
I agree with nearly all of the comments on this article. The overuse of PH just makes one look ignorant. I will never read another article from this blog.DISGUSTING!
I agree with nearly all of the comments on this article. The overuse of PH just makes one look ignorant. I will never read another article from this blog.DISGUSTING!
Hi Lauren Ober! I’ve noticed several blog posts of yours that have had a… well, rather acerbic sense of humor. Might I suggest you read How to win friends and influence people and let us all know why these posts always seem to bring such anger out of your readership and how you could change it in the future.Love forever, Your best friend, Neil
I usually like your stuff, Ms. Ober. Where did this come from? If it was half-way funny, it would’ve been okay, but this was a total whiff.
Wow, I’m totally blown away by how hateful this article is. It was obviously written by someone who is so far removed from the Phish community that they literally have no idea what they’re saying. Spewing hate and rude comments like this is counter-productive and doesn’t seem like a good way to motivate people. Both Lauren Ober and the editor should be ashamed of themselves for publishing such inaccurate information.
Does not the fact that said phans contributed to the relief fund by means of purchasing a ticket (at a 100% net contribution rate I might add) not count for something? How about said phans economic boost on the surrounding communities over the course of the next 3 days? There’s no onus on the phans (or anyone for that matter) to volunteer or otherwise contribute to charity; the fact that they’ve done so speaks volumes to their individual volitions and the merit of the Phish community as a whole. Shame on you.You might also forget that some lovers of music – even those who enjoy Phish – might actually be productive members of society who either drove back to their NE abodes because they work Monday and Tuesday OR used their personal earned vacation time to visit the great state of VT as an economy-boosting tourist.
You can guarantee I won’t read another piece of writing on this blog ever again.Disgusting, horrid, journalism.