So, Burlington has this kickball league. Last month, VPR did a little segment on it. They’ve got a blog. And a Facebook group.

And now, they have a hater.

Last week, zombie aficionado Undead Molly declared her animosity toward their nostalgic pastime on her blog. In a post entitled “Dear fucking twee hipster kickball motherfuckers,” she writes:

Dear Burlington Kickballers,

Oh my gosh, we so admire your childlike sense of fun.  Your wacky originality.  Your HILARIOUS tastein ironic beer. The best part is when you wear headbands, wristbands,and kneesocks – that makes you so Xtra wacky, original, and hilarious.I laugh just thinking about cans of PBR. What’s that you’re smoking?Marby Lights? You are too funny.

In fact, Molly’s main beef with the kickballers is that Oakledge Park now charges for parking until 9 p.m. Molly attributes that change (they used to stop charging at 7) to the presence of the kickball league.

She says she’s abandoned the park at night entirely, all because of the kickballers.

…even if I pay the $5 to get in, it’s not even worth it because thechances of finding a parking space are slim – the lots are completelyfull of your gas guzzlers and hipstermobiles. I hate overhearing yourbanal meme-laden banter…

So fuck you, you pathetic vanilla American Apparel hipster doofusfaux-literate faux-urban faux-vintage pop culture junkie self-adulatingsmug conformist kickball motherfuckers.

Ouch!

Any kickballers out there care to kick back?

This article appears in Jul 30 – Aug 5, 2008.

Seven Days’ deputy publisher and co-owner Cathy Resmer is a writer, editor and advocate for local journalism. She works in the paper’s Burlington office and lives vicariously through the reporters while raising money to pay them. Cathy started at Seven Days as a freelance writer in 2001 and still has the Rolodex to prove it. As the paper’s first online editor, she launched Seven Days email newsletters and started the paper’s first social media accounts. Cathy has overseen Kids VT, Vermont’s...

52 replies on “Undead Molly Hates Burlington’s Kickball League”

  1. Gosh, I think the kickballers have very effectively exhibited their shining character and civic spirit here and over on my blog. I woke up to three more banal abusive comments this morning.Well done!

  2. This shit is ridiculous. Its a park…there’s room for everyone…even angry Germans.Also, the reason you see people parking on side streets is because its free to walk into the park.If you go to the park to swim, you sure seem in well enough health to walk your ass there in the first place.

  4. Oh my, what a hornets nest you stirred up Cathy (and what a wise online editor you are).I’m not sure why hipster is such a dirty word but that is a discussion for elsewhere. Since many of you do not know her personally, I would like to state for the record that Molly is an amazing, thoughtful, considerate friend and human being. She brings a lot of good into this world and also writes very witty blog posts and comments. I know many of you kickballers are also fine people who are just enjoying your Thursdays together and I realize your feelings have been hurt. I just ask that you have some understanding.Molly has spent most of her summer indoors suffering from crappy, hateful, dehabilitating medical issues. It just plain sucks.So let’s all just agree to drive/bike carefully and be as respectful of one another as we can be.

  5. So, I see Simpleton Psych, puerile name calling, and Poor Reading Comprehension 101, isn’t anyone going to call me a Nazi? C’mon! Hitler me!

  7. Everyone between the ages of 5 and 90 in Burlington is an annoying hipster.I hate all of you. Can’t wait to get back to Burlington.

  8. “SEASON PARKING PASSES:Season passes may be purchased at LeddyPark, North Beach, Oakledge Park and Perkins Pier when gate attendants are on duty. Season passes allow unlimited admittance to all Burlington parks. Park admission is always free if you enter by foot, bike, or other non-motorized transportation. Season passes are $35 for Burlington residents and $50 for non-residents. Burlington residents with limited incomes may apply for a free season pass in person with recent proof of income at the Burlington Parks & Recreation Office. Call 865-7247 for a packet.”

  10. Alright already. You have done your collective due diligence defending your ridiculous endeavor. The anonymous hipster comments in this string are increasingly superfluous and annoying. Piling on isn’t clever.Give yourselves a round of applause and move on.

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