So, Burlington has this kickball league. Last month, VPR did a little segment on it. They’ve got a blog. And a Facebook group.

And now, they have a hater.

Last week, zombie aficionado Undead Molly declared her animosity toward their nostalgic pastime on her blog. In a post entitled “Dear fucking twee hipster kickball motherfuckers,” she writes:

Dear Burlington Kickballers,

Oh my gosh, we so admire your childlike sense of fun.  Your wacky originality.  Your HILARIOUS tastein ironic beer. The best part is when you wear headbands, wristbands,and kneesocks – that makes you so Xtra wacky, original, and hilarious.I laugh just thinking about cans of PBR. What’s that you’re smoking?Marby Lights? You are too funny.

In fact, Molly’s main beef with the kickballers is that Oakledge Park now charges for parking until 9 p.m. Molly attributes that change (they used to stop charging at 7) to the presence of the kickball league.

She says she’s abandoned the park at night entirely, all because of the kickballers.

…even if I pay the $5 to get in, it’s not even worth it because thechances of finding a parking space are slim – the lots are completelyfull of your gas guzzlers and hipstermobiles. I hate overhearing yourbanal meme-laden banter…

So fuck you, you pathetic vanilla American Apparel hipster doofusfaux-literate faux-urban faux-vintage pop culture junkie self-adulatingsmug conformist kickball motherfuckers.

Ouch!

Any kickballers out there care to kick back?

This article appears in Jul 30 – Aug 5, 2008.

Seven Days’ deputy publisher and co-owner Cathy Resmer is a writer, editor and advocate for local journalism. She works in the paper’s Burlington office and lives vicariously through the reporters while raising money to pay them. Cathy started at Seven Days as a freelance writer in 2001 and still has the Rolodex to prove it. As the paper’s first online editor, she launched Seven Days email newsletters and started the paper’s first social media accounts. Cathy has overseen Kids VT, Vermont’s...

52 replies on “Undead Molly Hates Burlington’s Kickball League”

  2. Yeah, there’s the WAKA group that plays on Mondays. They seem nice and respectful of state laws, other people, and park rules. It’s the Thursday group that acts like a giant frat party and spawns little baby frat parties (pick-up games) throughout the rest of the week.

  3. Wait, there are two different kickball leagues that both play at Oakledge Park? Somebody kick me.I’ve known about the “hipster” kickball league for years, and know a bunch of people who know people who play. How is it that through this entire brouhaha, no one else has pointed out that there are two completely different leagues? And that the VPR story and the Facebook page and the blog are not all operated by the same kickball league that Molly is addressing in her post?I’m confused.But I’ll sort this out. My apologies if I’ve conflated two entirely separate groups of people. Email me directly with more info if you’d like — cathy@sevendaysvt.com.

  4. I know it’s a little late in the game, but this has been bugging me: Cathy, you didn’t exactly do your journalistic due diligence when putting together this post. I think this fact may have gotten buried in all the caterwauling, but you’re conflating two different kickball leagues. The VPR story was about WAKA, which has nothing to do with the Thursday-night kickballers (who are indeed associated with the Facebook page and blog you linked to). I don’t know anything about WAKA, but I do know that a bunch of people have been getting together Thursday nights for three years now. The Free Press has written a couple of stories about it (good luck with the FP’s awful search function, though).It might seem like a minor point, but it’s frustrating that you put up an intentionally provocative post—one that was bound to generate so much “debate”—without actually ensuring its accuracy.

  5. David,1. Thanks. I was diagnosed with lupus when I was 19 (twelve years ago) so I’m kind of accustomed to living this way and trying to make the best of it.2. The one gentle chiding you issue to the kickballers gets immediately twisted back into a insult directed at me. How very passive-aggressive. 3. A. I have never pursued getting a handicapped parking tag because I’ve never had any great need for one and the paperwork you have to fill out and then constantly renew is a pain. I am mostly homebound and mainly go out to places where finding a decent parking space has never been a problem.B. “… uncalled for, uneducated, and unfounded…” As I had just explained, I was told by the parks department that the booth hours were extended due to the pavilions being rented out. The pavilions are rented out to the kickballers. If I am wrong it is because I was misinformed. Good of you to add to the list of nasty adjectives and descriptive phrases hurled at me, though.4. Thanks for the amusing mathematic proof of innocence, but as I also had just explained: I have seen the Thursday kickballers excessively drunk; my friends have seen the them obnoxiously drunk; people I know who play kickball have seen their cohorts falling down drunk; local resident have seen and heard them drunk, etc., etc..5. Too late. When I wrote that post, I thought the kickballers were just a bunch of mostly harmless douchbags. But the social psychology revealed by this mess has been sadly illuminating. The idea of being surrounded by this mob of people who have written such vile and even violent things to and about me is terrifying. I will not being going back to Oakledge anytime soon.

  7. Well. Things sure seem wrapped up nicely here. Glad everyone can be friends, enjoy our beautiful parks, and move on. 1- Sorry you have so much to deal with Molly, it sounds difficult to say the least. I wish you the best.2- DasBoot, I imagine you had no idea of Molly’s circumstances before you wrote what you did. Be careful… things can clearly be taken in the worst way possible. To be fair, this whole blog started with some nasty words towards your friendly neighborhood hipsters…it’s silly to read too deeply into any of this…if I did I would have called the police for fear that you might kill them all. 3- Molly, in response to what you said here; “I can’t afford to pay $5 every time I want to go swimming or sit in the tree house. I’d be equally mad if this was as a result of any group of inconsiderate people, it just happens to be hipsters and therefore my vitriol is directed at them.”To the best of my knowledge you should have a pass that allows you disabled parking. Yes? These parking spots at Oakledge are located outside of the gate where money is collected, making it free to park there at any time. Knowing this, the money should not be an issue.Secondly, blaming a group of people that have used the park for years for a recent turn in the economy and the subsequent extended entrance fee schedule seems uncalled for, uneducated, and unfounded. Recessions are a bitch, and in a small city like Burlington the first place that gets chopped is recreation. We are lucky the parks are still viable, and in my opinion, everyone should pay to use the park, all the time, so we have them for years to come.4- Yes, people drink. Yes, they drive. And yes, it is dangerous if they drink excessively. One point to note, many teams have 15-20 people, making 2 cases of beer just about 2 drinks each, give or take. It does look excessive when you look at it as one event, but for the most part it just seems like innocent fun to me.5- AND MOST IMPORTANT – Molly, there is no way, AT ALL, that you should feel unsafe to enjoy the park, on any night of the week. This is the last thing that anyone involved with the kickball league or not, would ever wish. Please don’t allow anyone to take away something that is so important to you. No one wishes you ill regardless of what has been said here.On behalf of everyone who uses the park, we hope to see you out there enjoying yourself.Best wishes.David S. Alofsin298 South Winooski AveBurlington, VT05401(I hope that will suffice)

  8. Thanks Bridget. I hope that if nothing else people might give a second thought to their alcohol consumption. We all know how dangerous drunk driving is, but one in three fatal bike accidents is linked to alcohol use by the bicyclist, too.And to those planning to say ‘no, no, no we don’t’. First of all, we’ve seen you. Second, I know people who play who confirm this. And third, there are cases and cans and bottles of beer in every single one of your Facebook album photos. You can’t realistically claim that everyone stops after just 2 drinks. I don’t want to argue about it, just be safe, okay?

  10. Right, OK, last one- for the record we weren’t instructed by anyone to stop acting like vicious thugs (as far as I know). This just clearly got ridonkulous very quickly and some thought it best to leave it alone. I agree.You clearly have alot on your plate, Molly. Good luck continuing to manage your difficult and compromising conditions. Don’t sweat the kickballers and we’ll just keep doing our thing, too.

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