So, Burlington has this kickball league. Last month, VPR did a little segment on it. They’ve got a blog. And a Facebook group.

And now, they have a hater.

Last week, zombie aficionado Undead Molly declared her animosity toward their nostalgic pastime on her blog. In a post entitled “Dear fucking twee hipster kickball motherfuckers,” she writes:

Dear Burlington Kickballers,

Oh my gosh, we so admire your childlike sense of fun.  Your wacky originality.  Your HILARIOUS tastein ironic beer. The best part is when you wear headbands, wristbands,and kneesocks – that makes you so Xtra wacky, original, and hilarious.I laugh just thinking about cans of PBR. What’s that you’re smoking?Marby Lights? You are too funny.

In fact, Molly’s main beef with the kickballers is that Oakledge Park now charges for parking until 9 p.m. Molly attributes that change (they used to stop charging at 7) to the presence of the kickball league.

She says she’s abandoned the park at night entirely, all because of the kickballers.

…even if I pay the $5 to get in, it’s not even worth it because thechances of finding a parking space are slim – the lots are completelyfull of your gas guzzlers and hipstermobiles. I hate overhearing yourbanal meme-laden banter…

So fuck you, you pathetic vanilla American Apparel hipster doofusfaux-literate faux-urban faux-vintage pop culture junkie self-adulatingsmug conformist kickball motherfuckers.

Ouch!

Any kickballers out there care to kick back?

This article appears in Jul 30 – Aug 5, 2008.

Seven Days’ deputy publisher and co-owner Cathy Resmer is a writer, editor and advocate for local journalism. She works in the paper’s Burlington office and lives vicariously through the reporters while raising money to pay them. Cathy started at Seven Days as a freelance writer in 2001 and still has the Rolodex to prove it. As the paper’s first online editor, she launched Seven Days email newsletters and started the paper’s first social media accounts. Cathy has overseen Kids VT, Vermont’s...

52 replies on “Undead Molly Hates Burlington’s Kickball League”

  1. haha. just found this. funny stuff.is bike polo the new kickball?is natty light the new pbr?are we keeping our mustaches?

  2. speaking of un-originality, “hipster doofus” is ripped right out of a “Seinfeld” episode. But I bet Undead doornail doesn’t watch trendy sitcoms, right?

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