Burlington is many things, but an international center of high fashion it isn’t. Sure, there’s Karl Lagerfeld’s island vacation home, and our state inspired a New York Fashion Week line earlier this year. But that’s about it. But just because we’re not uber-fashionable, that doesn’t mean we actually dress badly, does it?
Let’s ask GQ Magazine. According to GQ, Burlington is the 28th-worst dressed city in America. That makes our fair city more poorly dressed than other urban-hippie enclaves such as Boulder, Colorado and Portland, Oregon. But we’re better off than San Francisco, Austin and Las Vegas.
The ranking itself isn’t exactly inaccurate, as sightings of fashion disasters are near daily occurrences in the Queen City. Hippie ponchos are in, for example, year round. Half of the college population can’t be bothered with more than sweatpants and cheap rubber flip-flops when leaving the house. I’m pretty sure baby birds live in some of the beards I see everyday. Even Burlington’s hipsters always seem to be two years late to the party.
But what gets me is that GQ couldn’t elaborate on its Burlington ranking! All the other worst-dressed cities got a paragraph detailing their fashion transgressions. All we get is the photo pictured here, and three dismissive words: “Cool hat, stoner.” Ouch. Talking about what’s wrong with Burlington fashion apparently isn’t even worth the (digital) ink.
But the listing has to be taken with a grain of salt, in all fairness. I mean, this list of worst-dressed cities doesn’t even consist of cities! Brooklyn, Martha’s Vineyard, the Jersey Shore? Not cities, GQ. And the magazine included both Asbury Park, N.J. (#33), and the Jersey Shore (#19) as separate entries on the list, which suggests that GQ’s qualms are with certain groups, not cities. (Poor New Jersey.)
So what can Burlington do to up its fashion cred? Well, saving the sweatpants for a night curled up on the couch would be a start. But GQ has plenty of tips for summer fashion. (Sorry, ladies, you’re on your own — GQ is a men’s mag.) Here are some items every fashionable guy’s closet should have in 2011:
- Cargo pants. Aren’t cargo pants already all the rage in BTV? Yes. But GQ calls this new generation of cargos “the no-bro cargo.” Now you can get the hip, skinny-jeans look, but have pockets in which to stash your weed jar and one-hitter. Practical!
- Leather strap sandals. These are kind of like those Chaco sandals that are popular in Burlington, except made out of leather. Oh, and they cost $1760. Totally reasonable.
- The ketchup bottle look. Who needs blaze orange when you’ve got this? P.S. Are those windbreaker pants?
- Banana yellow shorts. Or just wear a sign that says, “Make a dick joke at my expense.” The results will be the same.
- Ray-Bans. You can buy the Ray-Ban imposters at Downtown Threads for, like, $10. About three people will ever notice the difference.
- The “artfully disheveled” suit. OK, snark aside, I actually love this suit. Anyone want to lend me two grand?
- An American Eagle fisherman’s hat. I can’t decide if this look is more “Gilligan’s Island” or “90s middle school years I’d rather forget.”
- A grinder. Um, GQ? If grinder as fashion statement happens anywhere, it’s here. Give us some credit.
Also, GQ suggests that you take a road trip with your bro and dangle an air freshner in front of his crotch. Why? We don’t know. But buy an ironic NASCAR hat with a Shell logo while you’re at it.
And BTV fashionistas, don’t let GQ’s Haterade get you down. We’ve still got New Duds, who make the best T-shirts on the planet. And there’s that cool fashion exhibit at the Shelburne Museum to visit all summer long. And what city of comparable size can match Burlington when it comes to thrift stores? Burlington’s fashion scene might not square with the mainstream, but it’s here, it’s unique, and it’s ours.
Although this town really could use an H&M. And seriously, hippies — try a little harder, will you?
This article appears in Jul 13-19, 2011.
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I <3 living in a city in which the douchey narcissistic peacocks are a whiny minority :D...
Good point Chris. It would be great if more Vermonters could combine their good taste in other forms of culture with their aptitude for going green, seeking originality & recycling and spent more time buying used, attractive & high-quality clothing that is handmade, beautifully tailored and not mass-produced in sweat shops.Just recently I picked up a beautiful American-made black cashmere blazer at the Barge Canal Market and plan to have it tailored by one of the fine local artisans such as Rigo Bros. on Church Street. So proof positive that you don’t have to be rich or max out your accounts to afford nice quality threads and help eliminate excess production and child labor at the same time.
We don’t care how to dress/present ourselves because we’re too unique for society: AKA we’re lazy, don’t care and that’s our excuse. It’s a shame really. Burlington/VT has a great food & art culture. But when it comes to how we look most of us are happy wearing 20 year old beat up Chinese made rags. A lot of those ‘fashion’ items are more expensive because they aren’t made by some poor 8 year old. If it says made in the USA or Italy or any major country wear people are paid a real wage, it’s going to be more $ than if it says made in China or Indonesia.
First of, no one said it’s was a “problem”, and it has nothing to do with the “first world”–every nation on earth values personal appearance. In fact, the time spent by women in many third-world nations to beautify themselves through natural cosmetics, hand-made jewelry, etc. rivals if not exceeds those of most American women.Oh yeah, and hate to break it to you hippie, but you live in a first-world capitalist nation, so don’t delude yourself with some sense of higher ideals. Well, I guess you can until you max out your parents’ credit cards.
lol first world problems
Glad this article finally addressed this issue. Burlington is an incredibly poorly dressed city, especially the men in this town. The women really aren’t that much better though.The low incomes and lack of decent local boutiques is certainly part of the problem, but with the internet & fashion hotspots like NYC and Montreal within driving distance, it’s really not an excuse.Only have the money to shop at thrift stores? Fine, that’s understandable, but it doesn’t mean you have to sport the “thrift store” look. Guys, skip the well-overdone hipster flannel jacket and buy a nice used slim-fit blazer. And PLEASE spend a few extra bucks to have it tailored so you don’t look like you’re wearing your dad’s hand-me-down from work.Women can help this situation by actually encouraging their men to dress like men & not overgrown boys. Even better, drop a subtle hint and give them a copy of this for their next birthday… http://www.amazon.com/Details-Mens-Style-Manual-Ultimate/dp/159240328X
ISO: A DECENT EFFING MEN’S CLOTHING STORE.no wait… let’s just open up 18 more women’s boutiques!Problem solved.:facepalm:
ISO: A DECENT EFFING MEN'S CLOTHING STORE.
no wait… let's just open up 18 more women's boutiques!
Problem solved.
:facepalm
Tim: I do love earflap hats, but I reserve those for winter. And Canada Day.Lindsay: For guys, that’s especially true. There are so many women’s clothing boutiques in this town (all with women’s names, what’s with that?) but none for men. Again, at least you can find good scores at all the thrift stores, though.Tom: Here’s a link to the GQ article, but don’t get your hopes up, they honestly only wrote 3 words about BTV: http://www.gq.com/style/fashion/201107/worst-dressed-cities-america#slide=13 (Also, I’m pretty sure that no one’s turning lesbian because the guys are poorly dressed.)
Maybe we're all just preparing for post-peak oil times, when fashion will no longer be an issue. Or will it? Maybe clothes will become a true marker of social status again, like in the middle ages.
Yes, it's a big bad chain, etc. etc., but amen to the H & M part.