Last Tuesday, Vermont’s phavorite jam band, Phish, announced that they would play a special benefit concert for victims of Tropical Storm Irene. Unsurprisingly, the quartet’s announcement created tremors of excitement around Vermont and across the whole of Phish phandom. No sooner had word gotten out about the phoursome’s show then dedicated Phish phollowers the country over grabbed some hula hoops, a couple djembe drums, a few pallets of Cheetos and their best water bongs, hopped in their vanagons and hightailed it to Vermont. 

They came phrom all over — New Jersey, Connecticut, New Jersey, Colorado, New Jersey — in the hope of nabbing one of the hottest tickets in town. The devoted called in sick to work so they could camp out on the sidewalk, despite the fact that the FlynnCenter box office asked them not to queue until Saturday when the tickets went on sale. When the box office opened at 10 a.m., the weary waiters rubbed the weed smoke phrom their eyes, threw off their drug rugs and stepped up to take their place in history — the show, after all, will be Phish’s phirst in its home state since 2004’s epic concert in Coventry, a big, sloppy mess if ever there was one.

By late Saturday, the show’s 10,000 tickets were sold out. All the die-hards walked away from the box office with a $75 ticket in hand (all the proceeds go to the band’s Waterwheel Foundation and the Vermont Community Foundation, which will dole out the money to appropriate phlood relief efforts). But here’s what I want to know — what are all the out-of-state phans doing until Wednesday’s show at the Champlain Valley Exposition, besides making daisy chains, crafting hemp dog leashes, swapping bootlegs and hosting sing-alongs in City Hall Park? Here’s what they should be doing — volunteering.

I submit that if you’re coming to Vermont just phor the show, you need to phind yourself some gloves  and a mask and pitch in. More than 700 residences were destroyed or significantly damaged when Irene rolled through. Sorry to harsh your mellow, but hundreds of people are homeless and without work and could really use a helping hand.

Phans might say that they’re already helping out by purchasing a ticket and dropping some cash on limited edition merch. I dig that, Moonbeam Sunflower. But before the money starts rolling in, there’s work that needs doing. And if you could phigure out a way to get your patchworked, Birkenstocked self all the way here, you can sure as hell phigure out a way to provide some assistance.

Not sure what you can do? Phair enough. Here are some ideas:

— You could phill your camper van with personal hygiene products, phirst aid items, cleaning and school supplies and food and take it to South Royalton. For a full list of this community’s needs, click here.    

— How about taking down some walls and pulling up some flooring for the Kadrik family in Waterbury?

— Perhaps you could help muck out the Hancock Town Hall basement.

— Maybe you could help phix the phence at Turner Farm on Route 100 in the Mad River Valley.

There are many more projects that you could help with. Your best bet to phind volunteer opportunities is VTResponse. If you are willing and able, they will gladly set you up with something to do. Not able to swing a hammer, carry a bucket or throw things in a dumpster? Consider writing a check the American Red Cross of Vermont and the New Hampshire Valley, the United Way of Chittenden County, the Vermont Foodbank or any number of towns accepting financial donations. Remember to earmark your contribution for flood relief.

Vermont has been good to you, no? We gave you Phish and Ben & Jerry’s and phlannel and weed. That’s right — we invented phlannel. And weed. We might have even invented patchouli, white-people dreadlocks and barefoot dancing. So consider giving back. Then when you go back to New Jersey, you can tell all your phriends how you helped save Vermont. So heady, brah.

This article appears in Sep 7-13, 2011.

Lauren Ober was a Seven Days staff writer from 2009-2011.

99 replies on “Here For Phish? How About You Lend a Phreaking Hand?”

  1. When will 7days smarten up and realize that Ober is not a journalist, but rather a bitter hipster with limited writing skills? Also, how about turning this comment section over to Facebook, like most blogs are doing now. This will keep it civil and honest. In the meantime, I agree with the majority of the posters here that hated this article.

  3. I have another idea: when the editors of this newspaper summarily fire Ms. Ober for this embarrassing excuse for professional writing, any severance pay should be conditional on her performing each and every of the volunteer tasks she suggests in this article. The editors themselves are of course equally responsible for publishing a piece stuffed with hate and ignorance. If they have any self-respect and concern for the reputation of their paper I’d encourage the owners of this publication to look into how it was published. There must have been a horrible mistake.I’ll be coming to Vermont for the Phish show from MA. In addition to the show ticket, I’ve made donations to several relief organizations, as have hundreds of my friends and fellow Phish fans. Along with my fellow fans I’ll be pumping a considerable amount of cash into the local economy – we will fill your hotels and restaurants, and I’m hoping to get in a bit of shopping – in addition to more directly contributing funds to help with the relief efforts from the horrible damage Irene caused your wonderful state. The spirit and resilience of the mostly kind and wonderful people of Vermont will surely – with considerable effort and help from both within and outside – recover from this disaster, stronger than ever. Phish fans stand with you, and will not let the ignorance, spite, stupidity and incompetence of Ms. Ober hinder our love, appreciation and respect for everything positive that Vermont and its people stand for.Regards.

  4. Wow. what an arrogant and condescending article. I understand the author wanting fans to volunteer, but generalizations and negative stereotypes are not necessary. Whoever wrote this comes across as angry and short-sighted. What is with all the New Jersey references? I’m a fan and I’m from Arizona. I have a lot of friends who are fans. None are from New Jersey and none fit your negative description of Phish fans. Perhaps I should blog about angry, resentful Vermonters? I could fit in a few stereotypes and condescending remarks. Rude and unnecessary, bad form Lauren Ober. I sincerely hope you don’t consider yourself a journalist, or an asset to your community.

  6. please never write another article. this is the biggest load of crap. believe me i know plenty of phans who have been helping people throughout Vermont. this is unbelievable that your attacking our lifestyle choices and way we dress. Get to know a true Phan…they’re some of the nicest people walking this earth.

  7. I donated to the VT flood relief effort because I am a Phish fan. I am not from VT and have never even been to VT. After reading this I’m not even sure I ever want to go to VT! Lauren, why are you so hateful?? Is my money too dirty for you? Did a Phish phan break your heart once?

  8. Deletion… This is how your paper deals with critical posts? Who needs intelligent conversation when you can just control information right? What a sad little rag you run. I may have to think twice about lining my cat box with it in the future, I think he deserves better.

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