I'm Uncomfortable Performing Oral Sex | Ask Athena | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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I'm Uncomfortable Performing Oral Sex 

Published May 28, 2014 at 10:00 a.m.

Dear Athena,

I'm sort of uncomfortable with performing oral sex. I don't like to go down on guys. I'm dating a guy right now and we have a good time with sex, but I just feel uncomfortable giving him a blowjob. I want to enjoy it all with my new partner, but I don't know what to do to get more into it. What do you think I should try?


Scared of Sucking

Dear Scared of Sucking,

It sounds like your head is getting in the way of giving good head. Stop thinking so much. Sex isn't about thinking but doing. What part of fellatio makes you uncomfortable? Are you afraid you're bad at it? You probably just need more practice. It's time to move past whatever you think oral sex should be and make room for exploration and experimentation. Here are some ideas that might make the south end a more appealing destination.

Try taking a shower together. Bathe him, and let him bathe you. It's important to find excuses to be naked together; it will encourage you to feel more comfortable with each other's body in a less threatening way.

Or you might try using honey, whipped cream, chocolate or — hey, you're a Vermonter — maple syrup on his package to sweeten the deal. The delicious taste might be enough to distract you and help you relax. And, believe me, he'll enjoy it. (He might even be inspired to reciprocate.) If you don't want to get into a sticky situation, do this in the shower or bathtub, too. Then you can revisit bathing, see above.

Performing oral sex can feel like, well, a performance and that can be intimidating. You might worry that if he doesn't like the show, he'll never want to see it again. But, like intercourse, oral sex is a two-way street and you both need to get involved to make it good. You're not alone down there. Invite him to tell you how he likes it. Encourage him to be honest and specific. This will also inspire you, I hope, to be forthcoming about how you like your oral.

The other important thing is this: If, no matter what you try, you're still not down with going down, don't do it. It's OK. If he can't handle your choice, then he, and you, can find someone else. Sex isn't about impressing your partner so he'll like you more. It's about enjoying each other's body in an intimate and fulfilling way. You can't get turned on when you're turned off.

Bottom line: When it comes to sex, don't do anything you don't want to do, and make no apologies about it.



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