How Can I Tell Women About My Foot Fetish? 

Dear Athena,

I have a confession: I have a foot fetish. For as long as I can remember, I've had an infatuation with women's bare feet. I love giving girls foot rubs and kissing and sucking on their (clean!) toes, and a foot job turns me on more than a hand job. However, this fetish — along with others, I'm sure — has a stigma. I understand why. I myself am just as repulsed by a pair of sweaty, dirty feet as anyone else (although not all those with foot fetishes are), but I'm turned on by a woman with a nice pedicure. I find myself ashamed and embarrassed about how much women's feet turn me on.

I've had some relationships in which my partners have been OK with giving me foot jobs or letting me suck on their toes, but most girls I date laugh when I tell them they have nice feet or when I go in for a kiss on the foot. I don't need "foot play" to get aroused or to have fun during sex, but I want to integrate more of it into my sex life. How can I approach the women I date and hook up with about my fetish without feeling embarrassed by their reactions?

Thanks,

Sole Mate

Dear Sole Mate,

I wish we wouldn't get so caught up in the fear of being "found out" for who we are or what makes us tick. I wish we could all live our truth out loud and without apology.

I wish that especially for you, because foot fetishes are far more common than you might know. Recent studies show that, when it comes to fetishes, feet and toes are considered the most lusted-after body parts. Maybe that will help set your mind at ease. However common your fetish is, and as long as it isn't hurting anyone, what's most important is that you stop focusing on what's considered "normal" and accept — heck, even be proud of — what turns you on.

Worst-case scenario: You meet someone who thinks your foot fantasies are funny (likely because the idea is new to them). You can either explain it to them or not. You can't control how people are going to feel about it, but you can control how you respond. It's their discomfort that is ruling their response — don't let those reactions dictate how you feel about yourself.

I know. It sounds easier said than done. But building confidence requires a whole lot of kindness — to yourself. And it may take time before you meet someone who isn't afraid of a little adventure in the bedroom. You'd be surprised how many kinky quirks people have up their sleeves but are too afraid to reveal.

You can have a hand — or foot — in shedding light on something new for someone special. If you truly accept who you are, that, my friend, is sexy. It's not like you'll be forcing your foot love onto anyone. So get off those feet and go for it.

Yours,

Athena