Is It Too Late to Send a Sympathy Card? 

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Dear Reverend,

Last year I got a Christmas letter from an old business friend letting me know what he's been doing, and in it he wrote about his wife passing away. For some reason, I did not respond right away with a sympathy card. I think I wanted to print out some art for him, but the printer broke, and by the time I got everything working again and dealt with some family health issues, it was months later, and I felt too embarrassed to write. It's almost Christmas again, and I don't know if I should send a sympathy card now, express my sympathy in a Christmas note or not mention her passing at all. This is someone I respect a great deal and have always enjoyed sharing the occasional notes and letters with since I left that company. What would you do?

B. Hynde (man, 65)

Dear B. Hynde,

Life can easily get in the way of our best intentions, so you shouldn't feel embarrassed about not sending a sympathy card to your acquaintance. The bereaved are often bombarded with messages right after a death, so he may not have even noticed. If he were a really close friend, it would be another story, but I think you have some leeway in this situation.

The common etiquette for sending a sympathy card is to do it within one to two weeks of someone's passing, so it's a bit late for that. I suggest that you put together a Christmas card with a separate note inside. You don't have to include a whole explanation of why you didn't reach out sooner. You can just let him know that you've been thinking of him since you heard the news and go from there.

Once a fair amount of time has passed since a person's death, you might worry that you're bringing up sad memories by mentioning it. In some cases, that may be true. However, as someone who has experienced a lot of loss, I can assure you that it's never too late to receive heartfelt condolences. They may sting a little bit, but it's always nice to know that your loved one is being remembered.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend