News Quirks 

Curses, Foiled Again

After Domonique J. Loggins, 21, punched his 20-year-old girlfriend in the face during an argument while she was driving, the woman parked at a police station in suburban Joliet, Ill., and went inside to report the incident. When officers came outside, Loggins fled. He ran across a bridge and into a park, where, according to Deputy Chief Mike Trafton, “about 60 squad cars were parked.” Thirty Joliet cops and officers from other departments were in the park for a training session on “being prepared for any situation.” Loggins was quickly captured. After being handcuffed, he took off again, only to be recaptured by a police commander returning to the training session from lunch. (Chicago’s WLS Radio)

When a man wearing a jacket hood over his face entered a bank in Columbus, Ohio, a bank employee informed him of the bank’s “no hats, no hoods” policy. Apparently hoping to avoid attracting attention, the man lowered the hood, according to FBI Special Agent Harry W. Trombitas, but then robbed the bank. Because his hood was down, however, surveillance cameras got a clear picture of his face. (Columbus Dispatch)

Flight-Plan Follies

Dan Reeves spent nine years and $40,000 building a two-seater, single-engine airplane in the basement of his home in Cumberland County, Pa., assembling pieces as they arrived. When it was finally ready to fly, he had to spend another $5000 to knock down a basement wall — the only way he could get the full-size plane out. (Harrisburg’s Patriot-News)

Slightest Provocation

Police arrested Joseph Hayes, 48, in South Memphis, Tenn., after he threatened the host of a child’s birthday party with a gun because his children didn’t get any cake or ice cream. According to a police affidavit, Hayes yelled at the victim, “Y’all didn’t save my kids no damn ice cream and cake,” then left the party but returned with a small handgun, which he showed to the victim. “I ain’t scared to go to jail,” he told her. “Just take care of my kids.” (Memphis’s Commercial Appeal)

When a 33-year-old man showed up at his girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend’s apartment in Hoquiam, Wash., carrying a dead animal and looking for his girlfriend, the ex asked the man why he was carrying a weasel. He told police the man replied, “It’s not a weasel, it’s a marten,” then punched him in the nose and fled. Explaining that the dead animal was actually a mink, police Chief Jeff Myers said the attacker was later arrested. (Associated Press)

Dechko Ivanov, 37, who posed as a living statue called the “Invisible King” in London, attacked rival street performer Rumen Nedelchev, 45, known as the living statue “Silver Wizard,” while Nedelchev was posing for tourists. According to testimony at Inner London Crown Court, Ivanov used a concrete block wrapped in a bag to bash his fellow Bulgarian and housemate “within a whisker” of death because Nedelchev had beaten him to a prime spot and stolen his audience. (Britain’s Daily Mail)

No. 1 News

The National September 11th memorial is scheduled to open in New York City in time for the 10th anniversary of the terrorist attacks, but despite taking nine years to plan, the eight-acre memorial site won’t have bathrooms because the developer of the $500 million project omitted them. City officials meeting to come up with a solution to the oversight nixed using portable toilets before deciding it would simply inform visitors about the lack of bathrooms and tell them to make sure they go before their visit. (New York’s WPIX-TV)

A man fell down a 30-foot embankment while urinating on the side of a road in King County, Wash., and had to wait several hours before rescue crews could locate and save him. King County fire official Dave Nelson said rescuers at the scene noticed no drug or alcohol impairment, and a TV news crew reported a passing car had startled the unidentified man. (Seattle Post-Intelligencer)

When Guns Are Outlawed

After Joshua Monson, 27, stabbed his attorney in the neck with a pencil during a court hearing in Snohomish County, Wash., he got a new attorney, whom he promptly stabbed in the neck with a pencil. (Seattle’s KIRO-TV)

Attention Grabber

The Benton Franklin Health District in Kennewick, Wash., voted to endorse a colorectal cancer awareness campaign but then voted to withdraw its endorsement after receiving complaints that its billboards were in bad taste. The billboards announced, “What’s up your butt?” (Kennewick’s Tri-City Herald)