Porn Panic 

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year. He's 28, and I'm 20. Age aside, we have an amazing relationship and out-of-this-world sex! I was not snooping, but I was searching through the web history on the computer, and I came across some websites my boyfriend had visited. I am well aware that he watches porn every now and again, and I'm OK with it, but these were teen porn websites! The thought of it makes my stomach turn. Given our age difference, do you think it's creepy that he's watching this type of porn when he's nearly 30? Should I say something to him, or will he think I was snooping when I was absolutely not?!??

Please help! I'm worried that when we have sex, I'll only be able to think about how he likes 'em young. I now feel the long-term potential for our relationship is gone...?

Signed,

Anonymous

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Dear Anonymous,

For the sake of this conversation, let's assume you're referring to the "barely legal" variety of pornography featuring young-looking performers of legal age. (If you mean actual child pornography, report him to the police immediately.)

??For better or worse, "barely legal" porn is among the most popular in our society. Our culture teaches men to lust over the virginal teenager, flush with budding sexuality - this goes for straight and gay men alike. So it's really not shocking that you found this popular porn genre on your boyfriend's computer. Furthermore, it's important to remember that most of us will never fulfill the fantasies we live out while watching porn - if we did, we'd all be doing gang bangs in Elizabethan costumes (or maybe that's just me).??

Still, it's perfectly understandable that you have some concerns. It's time to have a chat with your boyfriend. Admit to looking through his computer's history. (He's going to think you were snooping, so just apologize and be done with it.) Let him know that you support his right to look at porn, but you'd like to be able to discuss the types of images he's interested in. Tell him that, given your age difference and his taste for teens, you want to be sure he views you as an equal partner in your relationship and not as a fetish object. If your relationship is strong and healthy, this conversation will only deepen your connection.??

In all likelihood, your boyfriend is simply one of the millions of guys who get off to "barely legal" porn. But don't miss this opportunity to talk with your man and perhaps bring your relationship to a new level of honesty and intimacy.?

Playing the ingenue,

MM