How Long Is Too Long to Wait to Propose? | Ask the Rev. | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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How Long Is Too Long to Wait to Propose? 

Published January 25, 2023 at 10:00 a.m.

click to enlarge ID 142058638 © ARIDHA PRASSETYA | DREAMSTIME
  • ID 142058638 © Aridha Prassetya | Dreamstime

Dear Reverend,

I have heard recently from reliable sources of a couple young lads who have purchased engagement rings for the gals they love but are holding on (sometimes for months to years), waiting for the right moment to propose. At what point is this some type of hostage situation or form of mental cruelty — or just plain bizarre?! Or are men just idiots?

Perplexed Parent

Dear Perplexed Parent,

Generalizations are generally not good things to make, especially when it comes to gender. And it's not nice to call anybody an idiot, so let's scratch that off the list.

If a woman knows the ring has been bought, the deed is as good as done, and I don't think that a guy is being malicious in waiting to pop the question. He's probably just nervous, and how can you blame him? There's so much pressure for a marriage proposal to be a grand, romantic event — especially these days, with the barrage of picture-perfect moments posted on social media.

These fellas might just need a little advice, and here's some you can pass along from me.

The fact that you are asking someone to marry you is a grand, romantic gesture in itself, so keep it simple. Valentine's Day is cute but cliché. Pick a random day and an unexpected location. Instead of going out to a fancy-pants restaurant, do it at your favorite greasy spoon. Or the bar you used to go to all the time. Or the laundromat, when you're doing the most boring thing in the world.

Life is short, so if you've found someone you love and want to spend your life with, go for it. Wherever and however you propose will be just perfect. If something doesn't go exactly as planned, it will still be momentous. And hopefully you'll have many long and happy years ahead in which to create more romantic memories.

If you're on the other side of this equation, waiting for your partner to propose, I suggest you gather up the gumption to do the asking. What are you waiting for? Probably the same things your partner is.

Here's a wild idea: Say "One, two, three, shoot" and ask each other at the same time.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend

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The Reverend

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What's your problem? Need some irreverent counsel on life's conundrums? You can always just "Ask the Rev."

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